Merry Christmas!

For years, now, this greeting has been controversial. Some see it as elitist- certain religonists putting themselves above others. Others see it as exclusionary- Those who use this greeting not acknowledging other religions.

As one of those "certain religionists," I don't see it that way, exactly. I can see the other POVs, but that isn't my own POV. I don't use this greeting for the express purpose of elevating myself and degrading others. I don't say this to deliberately make others feel left out or ostracized.

I use it because it's what's in my heart.

A while back.. about 2000 years (give or take) ago, a baby boy was born. As an adult, he did some amazing things- transmutation (water to wine), raising the dead (repeatedly- Jarius' daughter, Lazarus), healing diseases of body and mind (too many to mention), feeding thousands (twice), and commanding and controlling the elements (the storm on the Sea of Galilee).

But all those, as amazing they were, were not the greatest of His miracles. The greatest miracle Jesus performed was done in the quiet of a private garden, late at night, while His friends were crashed out on the other side of the garden.

In that Garden, He made recompense to the natural laws of justice for every wrong committed by every human being ever born- past, present-future. Every horrific act, every lapse of judgement, every frustrated outburst- He made it OK. He experienced the full width and breadth and depth of human experiences, every joy and sorrow, every pain and pleasure, every sickness, fear, frustration, hurt, embarrassment.

The second-greatest miracle he performed was a couple days later, when, after His death on the cross, He rose from a borrowed grave. Again, this was done alone, in private, without an audience.

The reality is, I say "Merry Christmas!" because Easter. Without what He did that last weekend, nothing else matters. "Merry Christmas!" is an expression of gratitude, joy, and hope! It's something we "certain religionists" want to share.

So next time someone says, "Merry Christmas!" to you, remember that they're really saying, "I'm so grateful for my existence, for my God, for my Savior. Oh, that I were an angel, to let the world know!"

Outside

It's winter, and being outside is pretty uncomfortable, even deadly if for too long. Summer, too, has environmental dangers.

Outside can be tough. Camping, sunburns, bug bites, poisonous plants, shoveling snow, frostbite.. and that's just being outside of a building.

Garth Brooks has a song, "Standing Outside the Fire," about being too cool for love.

What about being outside in a social context? How uncomfortable, or even painful is that? Family, friendships, even one-on-one interactions can be hurtful when you feel relegated to Outside.

Recently, I've felt very Outside. I'm not Inside- I'm Outside. And it hurts. Lonely, rejected, ignored, unimportant, insufficient, irrelevant, not being fed, just barely getting by....

It aches. It's painful. It's so hard to keep going when you don't feel wanted. An invisible part of the 99.

Repentance

There once was a preacher whose home needed repainting... BADLY!! The siding was worn and ragged under the chipped and pealing paint. There were places the paint had soaked in and stained the wood, but it only served to make the house look even more neglected. The parishioners were becoming ashamed and embarrassed of how sad the manse looked!

Eventually, the church congregation convinced their beloved shepherd to repaint his home. He did the figuring for how much paint he needed.. and that seemed like just much too much, way more than would be needed! Surely that couldn't be right. So he bought what he thought would be needed and rented a sprayer- he thought that would use less paint.

Which it did.. somewhat. But he found that it wasn't enough. He was half way around the house, and more than half way through the paint. So he added some thinner to stretch the paint he had purchased.

At 3/4 through the project, he found that again he was going to be short and added more thinner.

This happened a couple more times as the day progressed. But he was finally done by the time the sun was well down.

The next morning, he woke late. He had been up far into the night painting and cleaning the sprayer out. But looking at the house brought an unpleasant surprise- the paint he had applied at the beginning of the day did not match the pain he had applied at dusk!!

A voice boomed out of heaven.

"REPAINT, REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE!"

Wow.

So Tuesday happened.

And then Wednesday. And Thursday, and Friday, and Saturday! And still today.

Sheesh! So much misbehavior on both sides!!!

On the one side, I see calls for the assassination of Donald and the raping of his wife. Supporters burning racial effigies. On the other, I see burning of businesses, vandalism of both public and private property, assaults and beatings, and obstructing traffic on major highways.

The gloating on one side, the pity-party on the other. What happened to good sportsmanship? What happened to common courtesy and civility? What happened to obeying the law??

I've been told this acting out (at least on the anti-Trump side) is neither childish nor over-reacting. I beg do differ! I don't care which side you're on, what you do, who you do it to, or why. But this has got to stop. It's embarrassing! Adults consider the consequences of their behavior. Adults recognize that there are options. Adults obey the law and find legal ways to make their voices heard.

This is none of the above. This is exactly the opposite of adult and mature- this is indeed childishness!

To both sides, to everyone who is acting up (hopefully, none of my readers?), I say:

Midweek Madness

It's Tuesday night/Wednesday morning as I write this.

This week has been pretty intense, and it's only half over! A huge decision has been made. It wasn't a landslide, by any means, but it was a win for one side, and a loss for the other.

Most of you know where I stand. That said, I know how the other side feels- that's how I felt the last two elections. I understand the "We're screwed" sentiment (pardon the language for my more sensitive readers), I really do. Four years ago, when it was announced that Obama would get another four years in the White House, I was just sick. I couldn't believe that the American people had chosen again to elect someone whose agenda clearly did not include the rule of law, respect for law enforcement, compassion for our fellow Americans, peace within our borders, and fostering respect from other nations. At least that's how I saw it.

So to those of you on "the other side of the aisle"- I do get it.

That said, when I saw that my candidate had the lead this evening, as totals from each state began to come in, I was excited!.. worried, because this is a big country, and there were still a lot of electoral votes to be tallied. As the night progressed, and my candidate retained the lead I became more hopeful. Just after midnight, as I checked the reports again, and saw that my candidate had 276 electoral votes, that he had won, my heart skipped a beat! So many things will be ok!

Results as of 5am, MST

This is not me gloating. This is me expressing relief!
Relief that the unborn will be protected.
Relief that our borders will be secure against trespassers.
Relief that law-abiding citizens will still be able to defend themselves.
Relief that our allies will be supported in our mutual pursuits of freedom, liberty, and prosperity.
Relief that those who have served- past, present, and future- to keep our nation safe, will be taken care of.

With a gracious and appreciative speech like this, I think we will be ok. *sigh

Boundaries

Wilson never crossed the fence. Tim knew the boundary would be respected.

"Good fences make good neighbors."

Most cliches become such for a reason- they're true! Whether it's not counting chickens before they're hatched (because baby chicks have a notoriously high mortality rate), or a warning about free lunches (because the cost has to come from somewhere), these sayings are true.

So what is the truth behind the fences/neighbors saying?

Our society works because we all know how things work. We know who is in charge of what, and when someone messes with something that isn't theirs to mess with, we have police and judges, referees and umpires, even bouncers to sort it all out and re-establish order.

Sometimes that order is very clear- laws, school rules, workplace policy books. But sometimes the "rules" aren't so clear, like in interpersonal relationships. We are all individuals, each with our own unique talents and tolerances. When those tolerances are reached by someone close to us, when a loved one pushes you past what you can handle, what happens?

"I've had it! I can't take this anymore!"
"I'm not ok with how you treated me."
"I am moving out."
"I need you to move out."
"I want a divorce."

The reality is that not honoring someone else's boundary is a fundamental disrespect. When you violate a boundary someone else has set- no matter the boundary, no matter their reason- you are telling them in no uncertain terms that you think their tolerances don't matter. They still have to tolerate you, no matter what. If you have damaged their belongings, offended their feelings, or hurt their body, you've violated a boundary.

And you're in the wrong.

Respecting boundaries isn't being a wuss. Respecting boundaries isn't a sign of weakness or apathy.
It's a sign of....


wait for it...


Respect. It's kindness. It's courtesy and honor. It's civility. It's maturity.

Good fences make good neighbors. Clear boundaries that are upheld create healthy relationships.

Decision Time

As you know, there's a HUGE decision coming up for the people of this nation. And when I say huge, I mean history-making!!! Here's my take-two of the current candidates.

There is one candidate who says that while he knows chances of him winning are worse than betting against the house in Vegas, his next-best goal would be to block the two major candidates from getting enough electoral votes to take the prize. Wait. So he knows he won't win. But he's gonna waste his time and energy, others' time and energy.. and everyone's money by pushing to be on the ballot.

Is anyone thinking about what would actually happen if his plan worked? As the Constitution is written, if no candidate get enough electoral votes, the decision would then be made by the House of Representatives. This is a group of 432 men and women who (hopefully, but not guaranteed) will vote what their constituents want, and what is best for this nation. Look through the list. How much do you trust your state's Representatives?

So there's him.

There's the other independent.. and while he's probably pretty consistent to his party platform, there's enough of that platform that is socialist that I'm not comfortable with him either.

Then there's the lady.. does she deserve that title? Anyway, the female candidate- she's got a list of scandals and skeletons miles long! Fired for being unethical, disbarred, suspicious deaths, death threats, other threats and intimidations, protecting and defending predators, violating security protocols, withholding aid from our servicemen, even spilling a national security secret on live national television.

Yes, she claims to have "fought for children and families for 40 years and counting," but she defended a man accused of raping a 12-year-old, a child. She knew he did it, that he was guilty, and chose to defend him anyway, re-brutalizing his victim. She has also supported a national-level curriculum standard, contrary to both the best interest of American kids, and the Constitution.

She says she helped move forward the causes of women's rights and LGBT rights. While she may have spoken in support of them from the stage, her other behavior and financial support has not indicated true dedication to those causes, at least from my perspective. Supporting women in their God-given roles has not happened, at least not from her.

She repeatedly violated federal law by short cutting key security protocols and exposed the nation to untold risks. And when the FBI recently re-opened the case, she asked that the evidence be made public. Anyone who has dealt with the courts, especially high-profile cases, knows that it's a bad idea to openly and publicly discuss specifics of an ongoing investigation!

I could go on, but you get my point.

And there is the businessman. There are accusations that he closed employees' 401Ks and other savings/retirement accounts, stealing their money. I'll give you "unethical." Was it illegal? Other accusations of sexual assault have recently come forward, years, even decades after the alleged assaults. (Trigger warning.. ugh, I can't believe I'm even saying that!) I find these accusations questionable, not just for the timing, but also for the accusers' backgrounds. Many of these accusers have been found to be bought and paid for by the female's campaign, and "charity."

He has revitalized communities, employing thousands, and hired women for management positions. He has personally assisted hundreds of people who have found themselves in difficult times. He has amassed a fortune.. and lost it, and amassed it again and again. He understands how to win people over and has refined the art of negotiation throughout his adulthood.

He doesn't (past and present) drink, smoke, or do drugs, either. Very unusual for someone as celebrity as he is!

Yes, he's brash and loud and full of himself.. and I still have serious reservations about how well he will be able to work with Congress. (Maybe that negotiation skill will come in handy?)

But of the options available, I think he's our best bet to fix what has been done to this nation in the last 8 years. The majority of those problems are actually things he's proven to be good at fixing.

I am not telling you how you should vote- rather I am telling you why I'm voting the way I am.

Some Thoughts on Agency

Had a conversation with a friend...

"The trick is going to be my being ok with his lack of interest in fixing the portions of his dysfunctions that he does have power over."

See, we all have dysfunctions. Some of those dysfunctions, we can fix (with/without help, medication, counseling, etc). And some of those dysfunctions- there's just no helping them.

Sometimes the dysfunction is something that is simply something you're gonna have to live with. Then it becomes a matter of how you choose to live with it that makes the difference.

The other day, I ran into a older (in her 50s?) single woman from the other neighborhood. She has never married. And she's ok with that. There are a number of older never-married women in that neighborhood, actually. And I'm grateful for their example. They've chosen to do something besides wallow and pity-party their lives away. They've built careers, lives, networks of friends, and made good use of the opportunity to be wonderful influences in the lives of the people around them.

He has some dysfunctions.

Some, he can do something about- he can change his attitudes and behavior patterns and completely alleviate those problems in his life.

Other dysfunctions can't be completely removed from his life. They're going to take time and attitude adjustments to cope with.

I can't MAKE him change his attitude and paradigm.

I can't MAKE him acknowledge his fault.

I can't MAKE those changes happen.

And I need to get to where I'm ok with his choices. I'm getting there.

The Ring

Recently, I saw an article about a new women's jewelry trend. I thought it was kind of interesting, especially given my current situation.

While I didn't have the funds for The Ring, I did find one that I liked, and got it.

So here's my vow:
Trust- I will honor the gifts God has given me by trusting my intellect and gut instinct in all my decisions. If I get a bad feeling about a thing, I will trust it and act on it.

Love- I will show myself love by not taking myself too seriously and enjoying my inner child. I will show love by cutting myself slack on a regular basis. I will be kind and my self-talk will reflect gentleness. I am doing the best I can, and nothing more can be expected. I am enough.

Respect- I will show respect for myself and my body by exercising, eating right, and getting enough rest. I will respect my limits and not over-commit, double-book, or otherwise spread myself so thin that my contributions are compromised.

Where Does "Judgmental" Come From?

I was thinking random thoughts recently and the word, "judgmental" came to mind. I started rolling over that word, and what drives one's judgmental views of others?

And I came up with two things, both, interestingly, related to pride or arrogance.

1) Judgmental assumes that the source-individual of the sentiment (the one being judgmental) has sufficient information to fairly and accurately pass judgment on the situation. This is usually painfully clear to the recipient of the sentiment. Jill's neighbor, Bob, can't possibly know her situation, why she chooses to home-school her children. Mariam, Anthony's coworker can't possibly know what trials Anthony has been dealing with at home that drive him to want to end his marriage. "You don't know my situation like I do... you can't."

2) Judgment assumes that the source-individual is better suited for decision-making than the individual on the receiving end. As a dispassionate third-party, they feel that they are able to make more rational and logical decisions.

But these expressions of pride are exactly that- pride, arrogance, knowledge built on the sand of pomposity... and we all know that song!

The Foolish Man built his house upon the sand...

So what to do about people who get judgmental about your choices???

In my experience, for me, I remember that they're talking from a place of ignorance. They don't know the necessary facts on which to make a sound decision.

Council...

Recently, I found myself in a difficult situation. I wasn't happy about where I was. It was downright crappy! But there were people there who were in a more difficult situation.

One was a man at rock bottom. At least that's how he felt. He knew he'd made some truly horrible choices, and his life was going down the swirly real fast!

But I saw hope for him, even though he didn't:

• Sure, he'd hurt others, but he felt tremendous guilty about the damage his choices had brought them. He still has a functioning conscience! There's hope!
• He has young kids that he wants to be around for. He's got motivation!

And I told him so. He's scared of being sober and clean, but I told him that he's got what it takes. He can to it. Yeah, it'll be hell getting there, but it can be done.

To this man, I want to say...
Hon, if you ever see this, I hope what I said gave you hope for your future.
And thank you for sharing your situation and your fears with me, for trusting a total stranger with your vulnerability. That isn't easy, especially for someone in your situation. Remember, you can do this! Keep your littles, your motivation in your mind.
It's gonna be hard, but you CAN do this!!!

I Don't Like Her

I process by writing. I haven't posted here for way too long.. but I've still written a lot. Recently I went through some of those pieces and read them. It's crazy-making! I hadn't realized how on-edge I'd been!

Frustrated, disrespected, discounted, unappreciated, used, manipulated, mistreated, resentful, angry, bitter, short-tempered, isolated, excluded, avoided and avoidant. Not an attractive picture...  ==>

These aren't the real me. And frankly, I don't like these qualities, especially when I've begun finding them inside myself. I struggled to figure out how to change them, how to become the person I was before all this happened.

I tried telling him, but he blew me off. My best friend talked to him, explained that I'm not who I was, but because she's not perfect, her judgement was in question. And I kept trying to tell him- again and again and again. He would agree and bobble-head that I was right and he needed to change, but no change was ever forthcoming. It just never mattered enough to him.

Through all this, I racked my brain to try to find any way to improve things. I tried every way possible to be what he needed, tried every way possible to ask him for what I needed from him. I even did some really stupid things because I became that desperate to repair and improve things.

But things only got worse. I eventually asked for a divorce last spring. I was finally able to move out around the middle of August. Less than a week at the new place, and friends were already saying I seemed more relaxed, calm, happy.

I'm so excited, I'm giddy! The real me is making a comeback!!!!

New Words

In the last couple months, I've started fitting things together, putting words to patterns that have bothered me for a long time.

Some of those words are ones that I've thought of since moving out, so I don't know how well they apply, but others have been on my mind for a long time and I've really studied his behavior with those words in mind to see if they match.

Insecure- heck yes!
Jealous- yes
Narcissistic- not sure, new word, but there are definitely some indicators
ADD- very possible
Bipolar- also possible, tricky: this and ADD have similar manifestations.
Delusional- definitely some of this going on.
Verbal abuse- subtle, but it's there
Sexual dysfunction- Hell to the yes!!! That's the whole foundation of our marriage!

He's dysfunctional on a level that is so fundamental to his very nature that he doesn't see how unhealthy he is, how his behavior creates dysfunction and unhealthy coping in those around him.

The parts that worry me most are those who will (had have in the past) catch collateral damage from his dysfunction.

The End

I have a friend who is a very talented psychologist. In some recent training, he saw a video, and shared it with me.

As I watched it, there were so many things I saw that made me re-think even my own behavior, choices, thoughts, and relationships. Sure, I've already decided that I don't like the Bratz dolls (including the Baby Bratz), and I don't like sassy things that are often printed on children's shirts,

But the thing that came to mind that surprised me was the degradation of my own marriage.

At 4:00, there's a list describing "sexualization." The third bullet caught my attention:

Link to Video on Youtube

Not sure if the two are connected, making someone a sexual object.... and not seeing their capacity for independent action and decision-making... but I get both of these from my soon-to-be ex-husband. He has often acted entitled to sexual intimacy, becoming angry or grumpy when I didn't put out. And a number of times, he has expressed lack of confidence in my decision making, my thoughts and input... and then he'll turn around and say he appreciates my skills, talents, and input.

Frankly, ignoring my capacity for independent action and decision-making was the straw that broke this camel's back (I could probably pinpoint the date this happened, too!). "It sounds like someone has convinced you to ..." That was the line. That was the sentence that pushed me over the edge. While those are the words he typed, what I heard, what I read was, "You're too emotionally weak to even stand up for yourself. You're not able to think for yourself. Because you are easily swayed, you should not be trusted to make decisions for your own life."

Anyone who knows me with any amount of familiarity knows that didn't go over well at all. When I realized he was doing that, I decided I didn't want to be married any longer to someone who thought I was incapable or unreliable to make my own decisions. I knew I would not be happy staying with someone who thought I was that deficient.

I've been planning and preparing for single-hood since that conversation.

I'm Just Gonna Leave This Here

I'm just gonna leave this here.

It's subtle at first. But watch how the abusive behavior affects the victim, how it makes everyone uncomfortable. It may be "honest".. but it's also negative and critical... and hurtful.

The Decision

I've actually wanted this since last summer. I had a car that he blew the clutch on, and he offered to fix it despite my wanting to sell it (1990 Toyota Camry, old as dirt and not worth the time and parts-money). So I said, fine... and he got it torn apart and it sat for months (6? 12?). Last summer, I texted him from NM (was there for my nephew's birth) asking if he could return the parts and get his money back. Nope- the store had a 30-day return policy and it was waaay past that. So I asked if we could list them on ksl.com and make a little of that money back. He said, "It sounds like someone has talked you back into wanting to sell it..."

My old girl.

The thing about that exchange that bothered me was that it felt like he didn't trust me to be able to stand up for myself, like I'm some kind of silly fluff-headed woman who needs a big strong man to take care of me.

Those who know me with any sort of familiarity know that this didn't go over well at all. I realized that I wasn't obligated to tolerate being treated like I was stupid. Despite his robust protestations to the contrary, he really has treated me like I am unable to think about a situation rationally, to weigh the applicable information, and make an informed decision.

I've spent much of this marriage not being trusted.
My ability to find work.
My awareness of what is going on in my head and heart.
My verbal representation of those thoughts and feelings.
The validity or legitimacy of what I ask for.

This... (dunno what else to call it but) confusion in communication has been so prevalent in the last three years!!

For real, this happened:
"I'm mad and I need you to just not talk to me for a while!"
"Ok..." which was then followed by a text message, a Facebook message, and even a handwritten note asking if I wanted to go to a movie.

By raise of hands, who thinks I actually needed to be more clear and should have included all forms of communication, both spoken and written?.. or should he have been smart enough to figure that part out?

Family Reunion

A couple weeks ago, I had the opportunity to attend a 3-day family reunion. It was my dad's brothers and their kids. I needed the time away and it did me a world of good!

Before the reunion, "stressed" didn't even begin to touch how I felt about being home! I felt tense, short-tempered, irritable, angry, frustrated, hurt, betrayed, undermined... I thought for sure, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown!

But 3 days of laughing and talking, playing with little and playing new games, great food and new recipes, calm and peace did me a world of good-- I really needed the peace!

My mom, two uncles (and corresponding aunts), six cousins (and five spouses.. a couple of which I hadn't met before), and over a dozen of the next generation were in attendance. We had littles running all over the place- splashing in the water, making chalk drawings on the sidewalk, watching movies, playing with toys.... I loved it!

Cousins!!!

But something I noticed.... something wonderful!

Those little kids were all pretty young- all under 10. There were a couple of tinies that were just barely walking, and if you've dealt with kids that age, you know that they fall- and not always the cute little bounce to their butt. Sometimes, the fall includes a whack to the head or a bruised ego... and crying. And here's the thing I noticed: No matter who the parents were or where they were, someone was there to pick up the sad little one. Even if the adult wasn't one of his own parents.. or her direct aunt or uncle.. someone was always willing to rush to the baby, pick him or her up and snuggle and dry tears. We were all there for each other.

As I was driving home, a 6-hour drive, I had a lot of time to think about this. And I realized something- This is how I think heaven would be- we're all there together, people we know and love, people we worry about and care for (the kind of caring that involves actually doing something, not just the feels). And no matter what hurts, how or why it hurts, there's someone... Someone there to hug the hurt away, dry the tears, and set you down to continue your adventure!

Hard to Love- a Song Review

There's a song that came out a while back. It's country. I know. Listen.. or read the lyrics.

Lee Brice
Singer and songwriter

It's the gratitude of a man who recognizes his woman's love. He knows he's hard to love- he's the classic male pig- selfish, rough around the edges.. and she's the calm at the center of his storm. She always forgives and gives another chance.

My take- I struggle with the dysfunction.

He's a jerk and he knows it. He sees how his behavior is hard on her. He loves her and he chooses to continue to be a bum to her, to make life hard for her. Why isn't he choosing to change, become a better man? Why not make life better for his woman? Why not choose to make things easier for her? If he was truly sorry for his behavior, would he not change?.. or is she just not that important to him? Is there something else more important to him?

By the same token, she lets him walk all over her again and again and again. I get that she loves him, and "needs" him (actual lyrics). What woman actually needs a man who makes her life hard? Why does she stay? Why does she keep giving him "so many second chances" to hurt her?

But then maybe that's the point of this song. Maybe he is finally seeing how difficult he is. Maybe he is seeing how much his woman loves him. Maybe he has finally realized that he is a major part of his woman's life and could.. and probably should work to make their life together so much better.

Home

The other day, I was customizing the theme for my gmail accounts. I'd picked one that I really liked.

But then I thought that wasn't very professional for my "professional" email box. So I went looking for a less personal, more professional-looking picture.

And I realized something.

Y'know those quizzes you see on Facebook- "Which Hogwarts House Would You Be In?" and "What Avenger Are You Most Like?" or "How Are You Most Likely to Die?" Yeah, those. Some have a question that asks you to pick the scene or environment you prefer the most. There's a picture of the deep woods, a big city lit up at night, a mountainside.

And I've realized something.

So do you want to know what these decisions have in common? What I realized?

First, something I've always kinda felt:

The city has exactly zero draw for me. I don't want concrete, glass, and steel around me.

It seems so busy and impersonal to me. Rushed, hard, and cold. No thanks.

But what about the prairie? Meh, it's alright.

The beach? Dunno- I haven't really ever been to the

beach long enough to feel much of anything.

I like the woods. It's quiet and green.... but something is missing.

 I love the mountains in the summer.

I love the mountains in the fall.

I love the mountains in the winter (as long as I don't have to go in the snow).

Seriously, I don't like winter.

I love the mountains in the spring.

Yeah, mountains. That's Home.

Talking about the Thing

A while back, someone did a thing, We have all heard about it. We all know about it. And some have decided that the thing was heroic, courageous. I can see that. Doing a thing that isn't popular across the board DOES take courage.

And this thing definitely was NOT popular across the board. Because others feel it's a travesty, an abomination. Others feel it's a sin against nature and God. They have even called it insulting to half the human population, that its insulting that some on thinks they can buy their way into that demographic.

"Laws, which govern life, were instituted from before the foundation of the world. They are not based on social or political considerations. They cannot be changed. No pressure, no protests, no legislation can alter them."~ President Boyd K Packer

And now this person who did this thing, this "hero" is upset because others- friends, colleagues, and even family is having a hard time with the choice that has been made. This choice was a ginormous upheaval.. and even though there's a phenomenal learning curve, those who are taking longer to get to the new headspace, or even who refuse to even try, those who feel this was wrong are being demonized.

Some family doesn't want to participate in the big adjustment. Gee, I cant imagine why. After SIX DECADES a father and husband has totally changed the game and wants to be called by a name he's never used. After SIXTY years of one identity- a whole set of knowledge and characteristics and skills and an entire career are to now just so much nothing, a lie... right? We're supposed to just ignore the fact that all he has changed all the rules...?

The reality is that the rules haven't changed. This person is still the same confused, frustrated, messed-up man he was before. He is trying to find where he is, what he is.

He has forgotten that he is a son of God. He has forgotten that he has a divine identity that cannot be erased or masked or altered by hormones and pills and surgery. He is, he always will be that son of God, son of Deity, with all that potential that comes with that reality. He could be an amazing example and inspiration. He could use his celebrity and fame to lead and encourage. He could be so much more that the circus side show freak he has made himself into.