tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24109682637345553942024-02-06T22:06:51.912-07:00God's Love/My WorldIntersection of my beliefs and the world we live in.BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comBlogger180125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-21017720749844117322020-11-08T20:56:00.006-07:002021-11-26T21:02:54.705-07:00Meta-Post<p>Today's post is about my blog and what it means to me. I know I don't have many readers, so in general, the reason for this blog is more about me. I don't really write FOR my readers.. but I kinda do, but I don't, but I do....</p><div><br /></div><div>See, I first started this blog to work on my writing skills- make my writing a concise, clear communication. It was about the wordsmithing.</div><div><br /></div><div>It has kinda morphed some since then. Sure, I'm still practicing writing. But I also use this space to work out stuff in my head. Things I see in the news, things I live in my life, issues I'm processing. This is a kind of therapy for me. As such, I've made a couple rules for myself:</div><div>1- Never go back and edit a post once it's published. I've only done that once.. maybe twice.<br />2- Never take down a post once it's up. I've had to do that recently, and I apologize for having to take it down, but it was kinda necessary.</div><div>3- Thumper rule: if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all. My variation: if it's unkind, I don't say it. And if it's a drama-issue, I try to include compassion, acknowledging the struggles felt on all sides.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes I write about issues, sometimes I write about people... because this world is full of people. My life is made of people. Sometimes they end up in my blog. Dear sweet SIL who scraped the snow and ice off my car one Christmas! When I helped my parents' darling neighbor lady with her car. Ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands.</div><div><br /></div><div>A situation has come up recently that I now have to censor some of those things. To be on the safe side, I may not be posting here for a while. I'll have to find another, more private way to write and process my life.</div><div><br /></div><div>I know this is vague- it kinda has to be, and I apologize, especially to those who have been with me from the very beginning.</div><div><br /></div><div>Farewell. I wish you all the best!</div>BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-18813719339153156242020-10-04T08:00:00.001-06:002020-10-04T08:00:07.194-06:00The Why<p>A coworker who's been off for a week or so (her daughter was supposed to have her baby.. no baby yet) came back to work this week. She hasn't seen me since the wedding, so she asked how I like married life. I'm not sure if she's aware that I've been married before, but anyway... I told her, "I dig it!" She grinned.<br /></p><p>Then she asked an interesting question: When did you know he was husband material?</p><p>When I was on my way to one of our first dates and I got a flat tire. I texted him to let him know I'd be late and why. He asked if I needed help, and I did: I didn't have a jack in my car (ugh!). He replied that he was on his way.</p><p>When he told me about his challenges connecting with his daughter, and I shared my own experiences as a daughter. I broke down a little... and he hugged me. He didn't shy away or get awkward. He put his arm around me and pulled me in.</p><p>He cooks. He is always looking up new recipes and making them.</p><p>He knows he has emotional baggage and is working with a therapist to process and heal from them. And he's shared those things with me.</p><p>His mom's Dad-jokes on Facebook.</p><p>His insistence that I take care of my own body when I am tired or hungry or not feeling well. He won't let me just push through. He will make me stop and tend to those needs I'm so used to setting aside so other needful things get done.</p><p><br /></p>BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-33717196977188519772020-09-27T08:00:00.001-06:002020-09-27T08:00:04.273-06:00Confirmation<div>This was a conversation I had with my therapist a couple months ago... I'm grateful for this confirmation that this was a good decision.</div><div><br /></div>Therapist: So what do you think is the biggest thing stopping you from saying yes to him?<div>Me: I don't trust my own gut instincts.</div><div>T: Well, there are no perfect relationships.</div><div>M: I know... I just want happy and safe.</div><div>T: What does safe look like?</div><div>M: Honesty, disclosure.. no, those two aren't quite the same. Similar, but not quite.</div><div>T: What else?</div><div>M: Compassion and empathy. Again kinda the same, but not quite. And respect.</div><div>T: Are any of those missing?</div><div>M: No...</div>BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-73947711343532726082020-09-20T08:00:00.034-06:002020-09-20T08:00:01.138-06:00SeptemberSeptember is rough for me.<div>I have a lot of difficult memories, hard things that happened in Septembers of past years.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Last September, 2019, I was finally finding some happiness. Or at least <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2019/10/some-things-i-learned-this-week.html" target="_blank">fun</a>!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Two years ago, in September 2018, I had just left an abusive relationship. I'm sure ya'll <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2018/12/general-update-details-part-4.html" target="_blank">remember</a>, right? Yeah, that was rough.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Four years ago, in September 2016, I was ending my second marriage, the end of a 3-and-a-half year <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2016/09/new-words.html" target="_blank">train wreck</a>.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This year, I'm growing in a new relationship. I love it!<br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But I'm also finally in a safe place, both physically and emotionally, that I can really start healing. Which means that messy stuff is being brought to the surface.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">The human body deals with stress in a number of ways. Sometimes the stress strains the immune system and the body becomes more susceptible to invasion. Sickness, infections, even autoimmune diseases then become a bigger part of life.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Sometimes the brain, the physical organ inside the skull gets overloaded and mental health issues arise, resulting in anxiety and panic disorders, depression, or phobias of various forms.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Sometimes the body develops another physical manifestation. This is mine:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZBazOO3n8VRcUF25UCDHjV38xmGrtY5cwCrhg0yofRUDQDmC7he9MN9QJ34-Dwxws7ejNRdJt1McDtG5GqEhthDh2n9egQE0Kk8U7p88q-Xbx9fdlSZrQ7DQBu9SAHp7lrqpBTinmfv4/s1600/1600305810209928-0.png" width="400" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I unconsciously tuck my thumb inside my fingers, and curl my wrist. Don't know why this particular movement, but that's what happens. If I'm driving, or my hands are holding/hanging on to something, my thumb will stroke the inside of the steering wheel or whatever as if it can't find it's proper place.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This has happened when I was near the courthouse- I think because that's the last place I saw the abuser. It's happened randomly at the grocery store or other times I've been out in public, but not sure why... I'm still working on that one.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This has been happening more recently, so I got to thinking.. and that's when I realized that yes, September is rough for me. So yeah, that's something new.</div>BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-27922425261339893182020-08-09T08:00:00.000-06:002020-08-09T08:00:00.666-06:00The customer is NOT always rightThe customer is always right, right?<br />
<br />
WRONG!!<br />
<br />
I don't know who originally said this, but I'd like to slap them... or make them work retail for 6 months.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
This idea has become such an ingrained part of our (American) culture that I 100% believe it is the greatest single cause of employee abuse. Sure, there are awful managers, but when society at large thinks the customer is always right, then that clearly means that when the customer doesn't get what he/she wants, it's the employee's fault.<br />
<br />
It isn't because of laws or company policies.<br />
It couldn't possibly be the actual availability of the product or capacity of the company's system to do what the customer wants.<br />
<br />
It most definitely is the (incompetent, lazy, rude) employee's fault for not being able to wiggle their nose, push the Easy Button...<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2_YJ9doGcAXitBG6V7mL94Mim9bJfwka16jMFo9EP01a_ZyYeDJNuxor1YwIvZgwq_78Mtfzw0YzOJYrlF1aqxRoqDPIfNRfIAPYmB-A7Z2PVMk5TL3oMFQdvWbbL2baIlCufVT34g_g/s1600/Easy+Button.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1473" data-original-width="1600" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2_YJ9doGcAXitBG6V7mL94Mim9bJfwka16jMFo9EP01a_ZyYeDJNuxor1YwIvZgwq_78Mtfzw0YzOJYrlF1aqxRoqDPIfNRfIAPYmB-A7Z2PVMk5TL3oMFQdvWbbL2baIlCufVT34g_g/s320/Easy+Button.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Doesn't every company have an Easy Button??</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Or wave their hands to make the customer's every wish come true. Really, <a href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Karen" target="_blank">karen</a>??<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhixOijI38KTkcjBCHb4F9pH4mViFM9bqnU5_w5zoGQJ87g1zQuYnY-qRs6Jlf2HhKqDfyplQjN1gGDrFoyQEBJJuCvQ3n32Mx2wflU3a1254bMZUa3sFj66_BVFzPuiSDTBkmuoisWBHo/s1600/Karen+emoji.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="809" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhixOijI38KTkcjBCHb4F9pH4mViFM9bqnU5_w5zoGQJ87g1zQuYnY-qRs6Jlf2HhKqDfyplQjN1gGDrFoyQEBJJuCvQ3n32Mx2wflU3a1254bMZUa3sFj66_BVFzPuiSDTBkmuoisWBHo/s320/Karen+emoji.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The "I need to speak to your manager" haircut.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Being the person I am, I had to investigate and I found <a href="https://www.huffpost.com/entry/top-5-reasons-customer-service_b_5145636?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAGKFFl4I47m1hrwzMbuUvr-8Zt5yvOmnEahoZjiw521gLWiXAGWS6nXw-liXPQmM5Zz8wu5q0fqx0UqXlP9nzNP_xmWEDpVkZyC44JgotKuNpVmS3tZ2GinxAqQuaULoIOMWviEBwp1N8K_hSanaP1Qng-WAPTTQ9kEYfOibZMVL" target="_blank">THIS</a> article. Please give it a read, because really, the author says everything I want to say here. Really- just go read it.BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-42954242376652456552020-08-02T08:00:00.000-06:002020-08-02T08:00:02.698-06:00I'm a Rape SurvivorI'm a rape survivor.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I wasn't drunk or slipped a mickey in a club. I wasn't attacked while out on my morning jog. I wasn't jumped in a dark alley. I wasn't left bleeding or bruised.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But it was still without real consent. My consent was with reservation and under threat of reprisal.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I was raped by the man I was married to at the time. I knew that if I did not accommodate him, he would be unpleasant and downright miserable to live with until I did so.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
During the act, I focused on relaxing so his behavior wouldn't damage my body. But emotionally, I checked out. Yes, I was still there physically. But my mind and heart were not engaged with him. I was irritated and annoyed, maybe even a little angry at him. His desires and "needs" were more important than me and my well-being.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9JhyV8XWCNKmDy2YNGDxHin_VQS-u-vmOXF8GVlLrzT6x6TbLWNW6n6-5az-nJHE9QVm_YV4fa2V8AnBGR0lINEUeZgiK-rsdLk6mvdFwmU7ldWueu37PDkkIevkzxUXiMadpABEl8Cc/s1600/Maslow%2527s+bogus+heirarchy+of+needs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="479" data-original-width="638" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9JhyV8XWCNKmDy2YNGDxHin_VQS-u-vmOXF8GVlLrzT6x6TbLWNW6n6-5az-nJHE9QVm_YV4fa2V8AnBGR0lINEUeZgiK-rsdLk6mvdFwmU7ldWueu37PDkkIevkzxUXiMadpABEl8Cc/s320/Maslow%2527s+bogus+heirarchy+of+needs.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look close- sex is listed in the physiological needs.<br />
It doesn't belong there- nobody has died because they didn't get to have sex.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div>
The next morning, I told him that my consent had been under duress. He didn't apologize or thank me for my willingness to accommodate him anyway. Instead, he said, "I know." Wrong answer. His entitled perception about my body made me even angrier!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Did I just call my ex-husband a rapist? Yes, I did!<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Am I worried about what his family, friends, and neighbors will think? Nope. Unless this statement causes them to rethink how they view him.<br />
<br />
(Yes, I do believe that marital rape happens. It's a thing. Sure, vows and all, but the reality is that my body (and that of any other married individual) still belongs to that person, and consent, even within marriage is still subject to change at any time.)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The reality is that he's much more than a rapist. He's actually a sex addict. And this is just one way he would act out during our marriage. He believed as my husband, he was categorically entitled to my body, my time, and my attention- the whole intent of my <b>existence </b>was to fill his expectations. He would become insufferably superior, abrasive, and disparaging until I accommodated his sexual demands. He would talk about his health issues with anyone who would stand still long enough, despite the obvious inappropriateness of the subject matter and setting. Because of course he had the right.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGZ4tcYsOW7s8zkyNhi1yg1MCNDbuNzbmr4pNHL5JoJXcJ4zh_to9HJrM6pLL3l8LWvqsiWedFbBKxW701LpmXqWILzLbbNIqzfcZUGT_8VQIN2CaOWZvPonFaR8l3ZjuLy2FecUS_5QY/s1600/Does+it+though.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="937" data-original-width="1069" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGZ4tcYsOW7s8zkyNhi1yg1MCNDbuNzbmr4pNHL5JoJXcJ4zh_to9HJrM6pLL3l8LWvqsiWedFbBKxW701LpmXqWILzLbbNIqzfcZUGT_8VQIN2CaOWZvPonFaR8l3ZjuLy2FecUS_5QY/s320/Does+it+though.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I know there are those who will disagree. That's their deal. The reality is that yes, that exhusband is a rapist and a sex addict... and one tick box short of a narcissist.<br />
<br />
<br />
Note: My dear husband helped me with this post, and actually encouraged me to write and publish it. He feels it's important to my healing. I think he's amazing.</div>
BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-26338935603347369712020-07-26T08:00:00.001-06:002020-07-26T09:18:48.490-06:00Old, New, Borrowed, BlueSo yeah, that happened last Saturday (a week ago).<br>
<br>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0sWRkLeACSi11QbIG58fgi6O5V7LSoh6Xqiptka8eJ6gUc6B1AB0gR7YwBXojhAnL5jeGo2vLm61JluY4QZxRIaGjgKhurUyetXZOMvKh9kLTD4xPjeQz1lFgbGr17BftxHc-p_9JpGw/s1600/107042072_10221917887797052_5559637466252010781_n.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0sWRkLeACSi11QbIG58fgi6O5V7LSoh6Xqiptka8eJ6gUc6B1AB0gR7YwBXojhAnL5jeGo2vLm61JluY4QZxRIaGjgKhurUyetXZOMvKh9kLTD4xPjeQz1lFgbGr17BftxHc-p_9JpGw/s320/107042072_10221917887797052_5559637466252010781_n.jpg" width="240"></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
We met some time late April via a dating app. We both swiped right, and started messaging. We went on a walk at the nearby Nature Center, and talked for an hour or two, I think? I don't remember. Lots of walks, lots of talking.</div>
<br>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEY-52rwU4aulIYXMXjpYKoS3F13joO5BSNR2qA4PgT6PpA4Z2lcVMHwswNrl4US3ZfhKfm9zScUYRbJjIzqXN-zVvMr_0w5HSg2tt5TvAH6wznODd3UaHX53xRzrMaMOtMoLds7kWDJs/s1600/107217861_10221917888797077_4871868008336676953_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEY-52rwU4aulIYXMXjpYKoS3F13joO5BSNR2qA4PgT6PpA4Z2lcVMHwswNrl4US3ZfhKfm9zScUYRbJjIzqXN-zVvMr_0w5HSg2tt5TvAH6wznODd3UaHX53xRzrMaMOtMoLds7kWDJs/s320/107217861_10221917888797077_4871868008336676953_n.jpg" width="320"></a></div>
<br>
A month later, we started talking about a future together. Then, because of some very plain-spoken prodding from a dear friend, we got engaged!<br>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpyvd-tAfAIbDEd0UMLOFZi6Nk-VuMYafmwT9_EkeaWSKlcKiGfbYQORcjaGmE7nGQN2RGlfgrnrpw29UlpgldXsn0FzecqUhZCCZRODrwsOfiIJsEhHS3IjSqjK2ELVeRRg5LFTf0KCY/s1600/107082953_10221917883396942_7139446466410655829_o.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpyvd-tAfAIbDEd0UMLOFZi6Nk-VuMYafmwT9_EkeaWSKlcKiGfbYQORcjaGmE7nGQN2RGlfgrnrpw29UlpgldXsn0FzecqUhZCCZRODrwsOfiIJsEhHS3IjSqjK2ELVeRRg5LFTf0KCY/s320/107082953_10221917883396942_7139446466410655829_o.jpg" width="240"></a></div>
<br>
We read together and went shopping.<br>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcsz02wzwLLO-HnYRs_PQXPgajHbXE5EWdPUmoAPZbzibUaRrmT1_cUiYaGbxfX8Tc48P4bfRjGSL2qdTGuKFPKmyZLDMnEBVNX6LLpsHrSvIZaPXjOYAJusU1Ula1-cXlQT9NWwEv8hU/s1600/107384433_10221917888277064_3274722564717895131_n.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcsz02wzwLLO-HnYRs_PQXPgajHbXE5EWdPUmoAPZbzibUaRrmT1_cUiYaGbxfX8Tc48P4bfRjGSL2qdTGuKFPKmyZLDMnEBVNX6LLpsHrSvIZaPXjOYAJusU1Ula1-cXlQT9NWwEv8hU/s320/107384433_10221917888277064_3274722564717895131_n.jpg" width="320"></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: left;">
And more walks.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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Of course, a Corona Wedding would not be complete without masks!</div>
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Thank you, Cupid!</div>
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I'm incredibly blessed to have this man in my life!!!</div>
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He says, "I'm blessed to have that woman in my life!"</div>
BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-39012232539120108832020-07-12T08:00:00.001-06:002020-11-10T19:21:11.363-07:00Love LetterOriginally written a couple months ago:<br />
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Dear Sweetheart~<br />
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I miss you! I miss you holding my hand or touching my back in a crowd. I miss that look you give me across the table at breakfast... or is it over dinner? My ears are tuned to your voice- I can pick your laugh out of a crowd any day of the week!</div>
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I know that right now, you may be far away or possibly unbelievably close. You may be tall or short or thin or beefy or pudgy. Your hair may be blond or dark.. or you might be bald. Maybe you work in an office. Or in a store. Maybe you are an every day hero (doctor, EMT, law enforcement, firefighter...). You might have been a father before we met. Or maybe it's just you and me and the dog(s).<br />
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Those things don't matter- See, the important thing is how your face softens when you think about me. The way you are tuned to me like I'm tuned to you. My day isn't complete without at least a "Hey there" from you. And yours isn't complete without... whatever it is that reminds you that I love you.</div>
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I don't know where.. or even who you are, but I miss you.<br />
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Updated recently to add:<br />
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Dear Sweetheart~<br />
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Oh, I love you so very much! I still miss you when you're gone, even if it's in the other room. I want to see you, be near you always.<br />
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I love how your face lights up when you look at me. Whether it's while [redacted], or when you've told the punch line to a funny story. My ears are indeed tuned to your voice, and I love to hear it, no matter what we're talking about.<br />
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I couldn't have even guessed how close you really were. I had your information the whole time and didn't even know. Yes, you're tall, a little pudgy, but beefy underneath. Balding is beautiful on you. You love learning and are studying to enrich your life and others'. Your children love you, and I can see they trust you in everything.<br />
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You are indeed my hero, in so many ways! I am overwhelmed with your willingness to come help me fix a tire, protect me, and even hold me when I'm overwhelmed.<br />
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I'm indeed grateful and feel lucky/blessed to have you in my life!<br />
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BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-76447754889051314992020-05-31T17:31:00.002-06:002020-05-31T17:31:48.307-06:00Analogies, Parables, and Teaching Stories- Part 9<div style="font-family: tahoma; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
I know, it's been a while. Lots of life happening. But I still want to keep this place alive.. even if it's only barely.<br />
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Anyway.....<br />
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I've always had a thing for analogies, parables, and the like. As teaching tools, they use every-day situations and ideas to explain complex principles, making those complex ideas a whole lot easier to understand. Often, they can explain ideas that would otherwise be nigh impossible to explain accurately.</div>
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Jesus Himself used parables all the time in His teaching. Sometimes this was to make the teaching of a certain principle easier. But often He didn't give an explanation. He simply allowed people to take from the "nice story" what they would- an act of mercy, given that we are each held accountable for following the doctrines we understand.</div>
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The first in this series was about <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2012/05/analogies-parables-and-teaching-stories.html">ducks</a>. The second one was about <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2012/06/analogies-parables-and-teaching-stories_10.html">medicine.. and salvation.</a> The third was about <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2012/07/analogies-parables-and-teaching-stories_29.html">math class</a>. The fourth was about <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2012/08/analogies-parables-and-teaching-stories.html">engines and society</a>. The fifth was about <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2012/09/analogies-parables-and-teaching-stories.html">dirt</a>. Number six was about <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2013/01/analogies-parables-and-teaching-stories.html">my grandma's puzzles</a>. My seventh was about <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2013/06/analogies-parables-and-teaching-stories.html" target="_blank">light</a>- lightning vs. a flashlight. The last one (yes, it was forever ago) was about <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2013/09/analogies-parables-and-teaching-stories.html" target="_blank">butterflies </a>and their life cycle. Today I'm going to talk about pie.<br />
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Pie is amazing stuff. Crispy, flakey, buttery pastry surrounding fruit or meat and vegetables, or even in the case of quiche, egg and vegetables. Gotta love pie!<br />
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But if the pie has to be shared among too many people, there may not be enough, or maybe everyone gets a piece, but it's just a too-small piece.<br />
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When we're kids, we often think that the human heart's capacity for love is a pie. There's only so much to go around, and if there are more people to share with, that means there's less for me, right?<br />
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Then we grow up and marry or become parents (or both)... and we realize that the human heart isn't a pie. It's a kitchen. We realize that often, when we have more people to love, our heart just makes another pie. And everyone gets their own wholeness of love. Sure, some may get peach or apple pie. Others may get a chicken pot pie or other savory meat pie. But it's all good- because everyone gets a whole pie.<br />
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And our Father has the biggest kitchen of all!.. PIE FOR EVERYONE!</div>
BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-16554653309459674592020-03-08T08:00:00.000-06:002020-03-08T08:00:08.190-06:00Why is This Even a Question??There are few things that baffle me more than someone who stays in an unhealthy or unsafe relationship.<br />
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Yeah, I get that leaving is probably one of the most dangerous things a victim of domestic violence/abuse can do. Abusers are like children- big children, big children who don't like their playthings misbehaving or leaving.<br />
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But at the same time, if leaving became a common thing that happened when someone became abusive, even a little, then bigger abuse wouldn't happen as often.<br /><br />~If a high school girl dumped her boyfriend after prom because he put his hand where it had no business being...<br />~If a young man broke up with his fiance' when she flipped out and screamed at him for no reason...<br />
~If a wife moved out the first time she found solid indication of his infidelity...<br /><br />If abusive and unhealthy treatment of a partner resulted in the immediate and decisive end of the relationship more often, obviously, abusive relationships wouldn't last as long. And maybe potential abusers wouldn't get in the habit of feeling entitled to objectify other human beings and treat them in such deplorable ways. "Nip it in the bud," before the action has a chance to become a habit, a pattern.<br />
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When I hear of a woman staying with a cheating husband, a man who has had years to establish what kind of person he really is, a man who has consistently and repeatedly acted in complete and utter disregard of his wife's heart, it completely boggles me. Why is she staying with him? Despite the hurt he's inflicted, despite the reality that she knows he has, is, and will continue to philander and thereby put not just her heart, but also her health and safety at risk... She stays with him.. WHY???? This staying-behavior only serves to teach him that it's ok to continue his dalliances. And it certainly doesn't serve her best interests. She continues to put herself through the heartache, the risk of STDs that he could so easily bring home!<br />
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When I hear about someone staying with a partner that loses their temper shouting and cursing at them, I wonder why. NOthing.. NOTHING that you're doing makes that kind of treatment ok. Today it's shouting, cursing in front of the kids, calling you names. What will it be tomorrow? Leave the first time he pulls that kind of thing. Don't wait. Don't hope things will get better- because even "better" is part of a worsening pattern. And patterns don't lie.<br />
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When I see someone staying committed to an addict partner (no matter the poison of choice), especially when the addict shows no sign of even wanting recovery, I shake my head. Why are you staying with someone who clearly does not make you a priority. Their poison of choice is the ONE AND ONLY priority in their life. EVERYTHING they do is to secure their access to their hit, to protect their dealer/source. If that means lying, so be it. If that means sabotaging you or your life, they are actually really ok with that. If it means putting you or your children in danger, the addict sincerely doesn't care. The only thing that matters to them is their addiction. And that attitude deserves no loyalty, no respect. Leave.<br />
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<b>Why is it even a question</b> whether to stay with someone who is ok with hurting you?<br />
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Maybe there needs to be louder support for domestic abuse victims. Maybe there needs to be education about what non-physical abuse looks like. Maybe we need to provide more and better mental health supports for those who are at risk, those who are/did grow up in abusive homes, who think that love looks like control and denigration.BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-32249476364332198202020-02-16T08:00:00.000-07:002020-02-16T08:00:10.621-07:00Random Ramblings... *sighHave you ever had an encounter that ended too soon? Like there was sooo much more to that tonguelashing that I wanted to give them!<br />
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I do. I often review conversations in my mind. Sometimes it's because something didn't match up or maybe felt off. Sometimes the conversation didn't go well, and I try to figure out if there was something I could have done differently to create a better outcome.<br />
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But sometimes, it's just, "And another thing- you were totally wrong on this point.. and this one. And actually, you discredited yourself only about a dozen times!"<br /><br />Yeah, that happens to me more often than I'd like to admit.<br />
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So I write it out.. and then I sit on it for a week or two (or months or...). And eventually I think better of it and just leave my mouth shut. So maybe it's for the best. I know they're wrong, confused, misinformed, etc. Sometimes, that's enough.BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-51021889691975738322020-02-02T08:00:00.000-07:002020-02-02T08:00:01.413-07:00Late for DinnerI've said it before, and I'll say it again: I'll take being called pretty much anything except stupid and "late for dinner."<br />
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When my second husband said, "It sounds like someone has talked you back into (insert my original stand on the issue)," I realized I wanted to be done with that marriage. I was done trying to make it work.<br />
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When the guy at the Milwaukee Penske shop feigned ignorance regarding the customer #/customer name and PO# for maintenance on our car, I knew I could never name a child Lawrence.<br />
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When a customer tells me what is and isn't possible, demanding things that are against company policy (or even the law), my givadamn breaks.<br />
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I'll take all the ugly things people call those they hate... but I know I'm not stupid. And I sure don't want to be late for dinner!BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-13993941896211088592020-01-19T08:00:00.000-07:002020-01-19T08:00:08.664-07:00I'm a Feminist... of Sorts.There, I said it. I'm a feminist... sort of.<br />
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My feminism is rooted in the reality that biology is sexist.<br />
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Mammalian reproduction puts the female at a certain disadvantage biologically, especially human reproduction. No other mammals are at greater <a href="http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20161221-the-real-reasons-why-childbirth-is-so-painful-and-dangerous" target="_blank">risk</a> for the baby getting stuck during labor and delivery, resulting in the potential death of both mother and baby. This is a risk men never directly experience. Yes, many men will be with their partner during childbirth, but he's not going to die if things go sideways. She might.. and the baby might. But he never will. Add the time commitment to raise offspring from infant to adulthood, or even some semblance of independence, and having children becomes a very serious commitment that often falls to women.<br />
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In addition, the average human female is smaller (shorter, physically weaker, shorter reach) than the average human male. Some species are reversed. But in humans, when it comes to hand-to-hand fighting, guys have the upper hand (pun intended).<br />
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Place these two blatant differences between men and women into the Western economic context (especially considering the nuances of the workplace, taxes, benefits, etc), and it's pretty clear that women are at a distinct disadvantage both economically and physically.<br />
<br />
But this becomes a bigger issue when the reality becomes evident that our society gives less value (as measured by the almighty dollar) to the work women (choose to?) do. It seems that the more Deity values a woman's work, the less society values that same work. <a href="https://www.google.com/search?sxsrf=ACYBGNTkrCiSzsdQUQ-XxoYt9zSHo4Aeqg%3A1579397763166&ei=g7IjXpLaCaqP9PwP8smpqAo&q=SAHM+definition&oq=SAHM+definition&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0i70i249j0i22i30.18473713.18482615..18483093...0.2..0.145.1193.13j2......0....1..gws-wiz.......0i71j0i273j0j0i131j35i39j0i67j0i10j0i10i67j0i22i10i30.6KMiIGyjTIQ&ved=0ahUKEwjSp4eVw47nAhWqB50JHfJkCqUQ4dUDCAs&uact=5" target="_blank">SAHMs </a>are often denigrated by society, told that they're lazy, or that what they do at home with their children "isn't really work" or that they're gold-diggers who let their husbands "support" them.<br />
<br />
And acknowledging these realities seems to be off-putting to many.BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-90949294122198580812019-12-15T08:00:00.000-07:002019-12-15T08:00:09.563-07:00Of mirrors and microscopes<div dir="ltr">
A lot of people in the last five or ten years, possibly more have really struggled with feelings about the Christian faith. They feel judged, ostracized, left out, and often targeted and judged for a myriad of reasons.</div>
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<br /></div>
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And it got me to thinking. See, in Exodus, the finger of God wrote, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." He didn't write "Thou shalt make sure thy neighbor Bob does not commit adultery."</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/vXtEDr8ZUPj7aWa7sBdWN9jX8Xg=/0x0:1920x1080/920x613/filters:focal(669x179:975x485):format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/54262177/tencommandmentscover.0.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="213" src="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/vXtEDr8ZUPj7aWa7sBdWN9jX8Xg=/0x0:1920x1080/920x613/filters:focal(669x179:975x485):format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/54262177/tencommandmentscover.0.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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Which in turn led me to realize, God meant His commandments to be used, not as a microscope to analyze investigate and pick apart others, but rather, He meant His commandments to be used as a mirror, to be used for honest reflection of our own strengths as well as weaknesses.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Talk to ya later- I gotta go check a mirror ;)</div>
BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-64013070941672132212019-12-08T08:00:00.000-07:002019-12-08T08:00:09.213-07:00Tired<div align="left">
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I'm tired.</div>
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<br /></div>
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tired of guys who act like pigs and think that threatening is the way to get a woman to like them.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm tired.</div>
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<br /></div>
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tired of men who talk but don't walk, who promise the stars but can't even deliver the moon.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm tired.</div>
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<br /></div>
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tired of men who are lazy- they want a woman to fix their lives so they don't have to put fort any effort.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm tired.</div>
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<br /></div>
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tired of men who refuse to do any of the emotional labor of maintaining a relationship.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm tired.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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tired of hoping, waiting, looking for a guy who has his head and heart and life together.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm tired.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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tired of looking for a man who is willing, able, and eager to participate in a relationship.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm tired.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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tired of being told "the one" is out there, but not even knowing where he is.. or what I need to do to be able to find him... or be found by him.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm tired.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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tired of being told I have every right to a sweet loving supportive relationship.. but nobody wants to have that relationship.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm tired.</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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of working 40-hour weeks, spending the money I make on debt that was incurred because I put a relationship first.</div>
</div>
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<br />
I'm tired.</div>
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<br /></div>
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tired of busting my tail and not seeing any progress.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm tired.</div>
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<br /></div>
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tired of being alone.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm just tired.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Or maybe this is what cynical looks like.</div>
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Or jaded.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Or bitter.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Or just tired.</div>
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<br /></div>
BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-47334370272354742342019-12-01T08:00:00.000-07:002019-12-01T08:00:06.160-07:00Abandonment issuesWe all have issues- trust issues, mental health issues, general medical health issues, body image issues.....<br />
<br />
As I've re-entered the dating world ... AGAIN!... I have worked hard to analyze my own headspace, my baggage and issues.<br />
<br />
For a while, I thought I was afraid of love, but a dear friend helped me realize that I'm not afraid of love and commitment. Rather, I'm afraid of what she calls "fake love." I'm afraid that the "nice guy" will turn out not-so-nice. I'm afraid that he'll really be like the crazy ex and actually be a liar, cheater, or abuser.... or some combination of the three.<br />
<br />
And I'm afraid he'll change his mind and leave.<br />
<br />
First husband left. He decided that he wanted to take a job in another state. So he quit his job, packed a bag, and got in the car. Yeah, we still talked. He came home every couple weeks, but my trust in him was never the same.<br />
<br />
Second husband decided he'd rather... I'm not going to go into detail, but he was more than willing to have me leave because I wasn't what he wanted. He wanted me to leave so he could replace me.<br />
<br />
Crazy ex left, or at least tried to leave at least once/month... (I shoulda let him!)<br />
<br />
Of course there were others where I thought things were going amazing, and then he ghosts me.<br />
<br />
So I now find myself drawn to two extremes:<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>1~ Keep everyone at arm's length. Don't get attached, don't fall in love, don't depend on or rely on anyone. Because if you don't let them in, it doesn't matter if they leave, right?</li>
<li>2~ Turn into the iconic clingy needy girlfriend. Hang on tight, then he can't leave!</li>
</ol>
<br />
<br />
Thing is, my brain tells me these options are either ineffective or unattractive (respectively). So I keep the feelings inside. I acknowledge them, name them.... and then put them on a shelf and try to look perfectly normal on the outside.<br />
<br />
Is it working? Are you fooled?BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-48640944045461636372019-10-27T11:40:00.001-06:002019-10-27T11:40:23.779-06:00Some things I learned this week.<div>1~ When you cut your finger, let it bleed a little to make sure it's clean. Also, if there's cute guys around, let them be First Aid Guy and they just might hold your hand!</div><div><br></div><div>2~ When you ask a stupid question, you might get a stupid answer.</div><div><br></div><div>2a~ When you don't ask the question, you might still get a stupid answer.</div><div><br></div><div>2b~ Stupid answers should be taken with a grain of salt... Or maybe more than just one grain of salt?</div><div><br></div><div>3~ Don't let things fester.</div><div><br></div><div>4~ Some people won't ever change, and the best you can do is pat their cheek and say, "Bless your heart!"</div><div></div>BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-43807261709990253232019-03-17T08:00:00.000-06:002019-03-17T08:00:09.703-06:00My Biggest Relationship Trouble<span class="_mh6 _wsc" id="cch_f218d066b023802"></span><br />
<div aria-label="Seriously, I think my biggest relationship problems are when I ask to be left alone and he doesn't." class="_aok" tabindex="0">
<span class="_3oh- _58nk">Seriously, I think my biggest relationship problems are when I ask to be left alone and he doesn't.</span></div>
<div aria-label="Seriously, I think my biggest relationship problems are when I ask to be left alone and he doesn't." class="_aok" tabindex="0">
<span class="_3oh- _58nk"><br /></span></div>
<div aria-label="Seriously, I think my biggest relationship problems are when I ask to be left alone and he doesn't." class="_aok" tabindex="0">
<span class="_3oh- _58nk">KL: We were introduced by a mutual friend. She said originally that his marriage was on the rocks. A few months in, he told me that he had his wife had gotten a divorce. I asked for clarification- signed by the judge, right? Yup.. Then nearly 2 years later, I found out that he was in fact, NOT divorced like he said. I sent:</span></div>
<div aria-label="Seriously, I think my biggest relationship problems are when I ask to be left alone and he doesn't." class="_aok" tabindex="0">
<span class="_3oh- _58nk"></span></div>
<div aria-label="Seriously, I think my biggest relationship problems are when I ask to be left alone and he doesn't." class="_aok" tabindex="0">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><div>
Wow. Just freaking wow.</div>
</span></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><div>
Did you really think I wouldn't find out? Do you really think (mutual friend) and I don't talk?</div>
</span></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><div>
You're a piece of work, lying to me this entire time (yes, I checked- it's been nearly 2 years). Your marriage may have been on the rocks at one time, but saying that you'd gotten a divorce just so you could kiss and make out- that's downright dirty. Then telling me you got back in touch with an "old friend" (your wife, I'm sure), that's a great way to explain away your guilty conscience. Oh, and claiming your "sister" moved in w/her two daughters after a nasty divorce- again, excellent story! Bravo! I bet the "trouble with her ex" on Independence day was actually a family gathering, right?</div>
</span></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><div>
Y'know, with all the travel you do, I wouldn't be surprised if you had a girl in every port. How many women are you playing, anyway??</div>
</span></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><div>
Yeah, you could say I'm pissed.. but that would only be the tip of the iceberg. No, we didn't go "all the way," but you're still a philandering jackass who would deserve it all if your wife left you, took those two little girls you two recently adopted, and took you to the cleaners.</div>
</span></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><div>
Fucking lying sack of shit. Don't contact me again. If you do, I will find you and your family, and I will blow up your happy little lie.</div>
</span></span><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"><div>
Sent 8/28/12, 8:54pm</div>
</span></span></blockquote>
</div>
<div aria-label="Seriously, I think my biggest relationship problems are when I ask to be left alone and he doesn't." class="_aok" tabindex="0">
WB: Second marriage was on its last legs. We had another argument. I was angry and needed space. He had a history of not allowing that. So I left the house, got in the car, and drove... at 10:30pm. Here's the email conversation that followed:</div>
<div aria-label="Seriously, I think my biggest relationship problems are when I ask to be left alone and he doesn't." class="_aok" tabindex="0">
<span class="_3oh- _58nk"></span></div>
<span class="_mh6 _wsc" id="cch_f218d066b023802"><div aria-label="Seriously, I think my biggest relationship problems are when I ask to be left alone and he doesn't." class="_aok" tabindex="0">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">W: Did you go for a drive or did you meet somebody and break the truce?<br /><br />Me: I needed time to clear my head and calm my heart. I didn't think you'd
give me that if I stayed home. This email proves me right. You are
incapable of giving me anything I desperately need. Thank you for
reminding me both last night and again with this email why I need to be
out of this marriage.</span></span></blockquote>
<br />
<br />
<span class="_mh6 _wsc" id="cch_f218d066b023802">DB: I realized he was
<a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2018/11/so-last-week-i-gave-general-update.html" target="_blank">abusive</a>, so I left. I explained probably half a dozen
times after I left that I needed space to heal from his abuse,
betrayal, and lies. When he didn't, I finally went no-contact, he
chose to do otherwise and.. <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2018/12/general-update-details-part-4.html" target="_blank">yeah</a>.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="_mh6 _wsc" id="cch_f218d066b023802"> </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_CJkV6Gx9EYKJCd3foX7p3pmCwNonmMsS-nIwlQEfaDcqLtj8OjbxSiaMzOlV5ZF6krCmzJf1q7-r8ngkn2I2uZczhhl2jI5jR2mBsGYokzULWq_OumKBoIVRmo8G9R0AxeaA5KPvn3U/s1600/Thinking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="627" data-original-width="940" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_CJkV6Gx9EYKJCd3foX7p3pmCwNonmMsS-nIwlQEfaDcqLtj8OjbxSiaMzOlV5ZF6krCmzJf1q7-r8ngkn2I2uZczhhl2jI5jR2mBsGYokzULWq_OumKBoIVRmo8G9R0AxeaA5KPvn3U/s320/Thinking.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br /><br />
With that in mind, I think that's one of my big things- I want someone who knows me well enough to know that when I'm upset, I need space.... and trusts me enough to know that if he gives me that space, I'll come back when I'm ready.<br />
<span class="_3oh- _58nk"></span></div>
</span>BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-84837914642237858322019-01-20T08:00:00.000-07:002019-01-20T08:00:04.289-07:00Re-Entering the Dating World... AgainAs I start dating again, I find that some things have changed. Remember my original <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2012/08/top-five.html" target="_blank">Deal-Breakers</a>? I realized that those were based on some fundamental assumptions. And we all know what assumptions are ;)<br />
<br />
Those assumptions were that I was dealing with someone who was reasonably rational, at least had a basic understanding of what "upstanding member of the community" meant. But as my updates have illustrated, that is something that does NOT "go without saying."<br />
<br />
So here's me saying it.<br />
My new deal-breakers (to be addressed before the other list- it's still pretty accurate, so...). It's a short list. I've written it in pretty plain language<br />
<br />
<b><u>Lying.</u></b><br />
For real, this is about the fastest way to get rid of me. I can see fudging a little, glossing over the ugly truth some at the beginning of a relationship. I'm not a fan, but I understand it. But flat-out lies are gonna make me run, and run fast. I won't want or even seek revenge. I'll just be gone, ghost.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Breaking the Law.</u></b><br />
Stuff happens, and I get that. But <a href="https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-ab&ei=H5YyXJeiDpOv0wKWv7foAQ&q=blatant&oq=blatant&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0i67l2j0j0i67j0l6.28281.29163..29508...0.0..0.233.1278.0j4j3......0....1..gws-wiz.......0i71j35i39j0i131j0i10i67.R1ehFmG-32U" target="_blank">blatant</a> and <a href="https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-ab&q=flagrant" target="_blank">flagrant</a> disregard for the law isn't gonna fly, either. Laws, local statutes, and even company policies are there for a reason. Most rules are either to prevent harm, illness or injury; avoid financial loss; or to make life easier for all involved. Some legislation isn't well thought out, and may be a knee-jerk reaction motivated by these reasons, but often, the intent is one of these reasons. Just follow the rules, yeah?<br />
<br />
<b><u>Abusive.</u></b><br />
I don't give too turds why you think you should get to treat others with disregard, disrespect, unkindness, or use and manipulate them with <a href="https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-ab&ei=PpYyXKq7GuKP0wLSopPQDw&q=impunity&oq=impunity&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0l10.308166.309598..309949...0.0..1.321.1627.0j6j1j1......0....1..gws-wiz.......0i71j0i67j0i131j35i39j0i10.JGsScE3AZM0" target="_blank">impunity</a>. Don't. It's a ginormous turnoff. I see you treating others like this, and I may roll my eyes when in the moment, but whatever I may have felt for you will be pretty near gone. Besides, if you treat others like that, what's stopping you from treating me like that??<br />
<br />
<br />
With that said, I feel like I'm getting really good at seeing the precursors of these patterns. Or at least I'm a lot more sensitive to them. It's a bigger issue to me if someone does one of these things. I've met guys with pretty fantastic stories about work... and I just don't quite believe it. I've met guys who were rude about my "ignoring" them while I was on the clock at work. I've had men approach me who didn't have their lives together in any sense of the term.BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-75439425998483681492018-12-30T08:00:00.000-07:002018-12-30T08:00:05.616-07:00Pinterest Fail<div dir="ltr">
Writing prompt: You adopt four teenage girls. As time passes, you begin to realize each of them represents a horseman of the Apocalypse. All hell breaks loose when Famine steals War's boyfriend.</div>
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<br /></div>
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"Juli, how could you?!? You jerk! You, you.. OH!" Serena beat her fists on the kitchen counter and fled to her room.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Julienne just looked at the fleeing figure of her sister.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Well, they weren't blood sisters, but they were my girls. All four of them.<br />
<br />
Serena had been the first to come to our home 6 months ago. At first I had thought she was a quiet girl. But really she was simmering. She was always simmering, waiting for a reason to blow! She was War, but I didn't realize until after the others came.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Julienne was placed in our home a month later. Poor girl was so thin she looked anorexic. She ate like there wouldn't be any food tomorrow, but she never gained weight. She took the food I bought for special events, ate the treats I bought for the other girls, even started on the food storage we'd been working to save in case of natural disaster. She was Famine.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Candace was the next one. She came to us about 3 months ago. Her name means pure.. but she was anything but. It only took a few weeks for her room to become a disaster. Food and wrappers, trash, dirty dishes, dirty clothes. I don't know if the mess attracted ants... or worse. I didn't want to look. Pestilence.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
Aurora joined our family just a month ago. Quiet, but not like Serena was. She was calm under the quiet, not waiting to explode. She was still and quiet and... Death. I had to take out a flowerbed by her bedroom window because everything died.<br />
<br />
The Four Girls of the Apocalypse... in my house! </div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
The shouting in the kitchen was just the first. It got worse. Juli's things began to go missing. Irritating things- part of a favorite outfit, one shoe but not the other. We didn't know it was Serena at first. Who else would be upset enough to take Juli's things?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
One morning, in the chaos that is four girls getting ready for school, Juli screamed from the bathroom. "My eyEBROW!!!" Just one had been shaved. I let Juli go to school late while we figured out what to do: shave the other and practice with an eyebrow pencil.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr">
As I was showing her, we started talking. As a good mom, I asked her how things were going in school. She mentioned her new boyfriend.... who had the same name as Serena's boyfriend. And looked the same as the boy Serena had described to me shortly before Juli had joined the family.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Juli had stolen Serena's boyfriend.</div>
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<br /></div>
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No wonder Serena had been so upset! I don't know if Juli knew he'd been dating her sister when she met the boy 2 months ago. But I feared the damage had already been done.</div>
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<br /></div>
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That night, I asked Serena to stay up when the other girls headed to bed.</div>
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<br /></div>
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"Serena, how have you been?"</div>
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<br /></div>
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"Fine."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"No, I don't want the pat answer. What's going on between you and Juli?"</div>
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<br /></div>
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"I don't know what you mean, Mrs G. Things are just fine."</div>
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<br /></div>
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"Serena..." My mom-voice was about to get a workout.</div>
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<br /></div>
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"Really, things are fine. Can I go to bed?"</div>
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<br /></div>
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"How about things with Ben? How is he doing?"</div>
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<br /></div>
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"I'm fine, and I guess he's fine, too." There was an edge to it when she said he was *fine*... There was the simmer. But it was hotter than a simmer. She was mad. So I waited. "Julie kissed Ben last week. She fucking kissed him! He's <i>my </i>boyfriend, not hers. She had no right to talk to him let alone kiss him!! He isn't even... good, I want her to suffer. I'm going to destroy her!!"</div>
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<br /></div>
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"Honey, I know you're angry and hurt and you probably feel betrayed and rejected. And you probably think your heart will break into a million piec..."</div>
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<br /></div>
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She cut me off. "Maybe 4 days ago, not anymore. I just want her destroyed. I want her beaten into submission. I want the guys in this high school to think of her as the pariah she is!"</div>
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<br /></div>
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It all came out in a jumble. I had to calm her down before she did something we would all regret.</div>
BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-10631410651716900472018-12-23T08:00:00.000-07:002018-12-23T08:00:03.341-07:00Merry Christmas!This year has been a roller coaster!.. and not a good one. There have been a lot of ups and downs, I think more downs than ups, but I'm still alive and breathing (not entirely joking there), and for that, I'm grateful.<br /><br />I thought I'd share with you my Christmas letter to Santa.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Santa,<br />
This year has been<strike> kinda</strike>, really rough. I've been through a lot. I know I haven't been the best, but I've tried, and maybe that counts for something?<br />
<br />
For Christmas this year, I'd like socks. I know this is a corny thing to want for Christmas, but I've been wearing long (knee-high) socks to work, and I've found I kind of love them!<br />
<br />
On a more serious note... I could use a really good job. Something I'm well-suited for, that meets my needs and allows me to start planning for some really big ambitious plans in the next couple years. Full time at $11.25/hr just alright, but isn't quite cutting it.<br />
<br />
I want to feel safe. You know the tough things that have happened in the last 6 months (<a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2018/11/a-general-update-on-my-life.html" target="_blank">Updates</a> <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2018/11/so-last-week-i-gave-general-update.html" target="_blank">1</a>, <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2018/11/general-update-details-part-2.html" target="_blank">2</a>, <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2018/11/general-update-details-part-3.html" target="_blank">3</a>, and <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2018/12/general-update-details-part-4.html" target="_blank">4</a>) so you know that my safety has been a concern. I want to feel safe. He will be sentenced the morning of February 6. This state puts a cap on the sentence for the charge he plead guilty to: 3 years. Add the 3-5 years of prison time waiting for him in Utah, and I just might have enough time to get my situation settled and secure before he's released. I want to know that whatever his sentence is will be <span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>what he needs to mend his
ways, correct his attitude and thinking behaviors so he's not a
danger/threat to me or to society.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>I need to start really paying attention to my health. I would love to be able to have a full physical done. I had one done a number of years ago, but joining the over-40 club, I know there are some baseline tests I need to get done.. even though I'm really NOT looking forward to my first mammogram!</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>I want to find love. I'd really like to meet (or if I already know him, be directed to recognize him) that guy who will treasure me. A man who will be honest and honorable, respectful and respectable, kind, intelligent, and protect me and my heart.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>I know not all of these will fit under the tree, but maybe if you could manage helping me find the ones that won't fit, I'd really appreciate it.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span>
<span class=" UFICommentActorAndBody"><span><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>Just Me</span></span></span></span></span></span>BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-63032887355012592552018-12-16T08:00:00.000-07:002018-12-16T20:39:49.361-07:00General Update- Details Part 4So a few weeks ago, I gave a general update. First on the update was
that I
realized that my boyfriend was abusive. Second was that I moved. Third was that I cut ties with my now-exboyfriend. As a refresher from <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2018/11/a-general-update-on-my-life.html" target="_blank">that</a> post:<br />
"That has been a wild ride. Those of you who are familiar with the
situation, I got tired of the lies and manipulation. I really cut
ties, went "no-contact" on 11 Sept (total coincidence). I haven't said anything to him
since. He's certainly attempted to communicate with me. But he has heard nothing from me since. I did what I had to do in order to stay safe.
Hopefully, with the help of the authorities, this chapter of my life
will be closed soon."<br />
<br />
So here's the timeline:<br />
September 11: I went no-contact. I told him I was done with his lies, drama, and manipulations. I asked he not contact me again, either directly or by a third party or I would get a protective order.<br />
He responded with over 75 messages (through various avenues) over the course of the next hour and a half. If they had been "Baby, I'm sorry- what can I do to make it right?" I might have let it slide.. I just might have even replied. But they weren't. "If you do that, I'll make your life a living hell...." Several curse words were used gratuitously, name calling, threats, accusations, scary claims that he would find me and hurt me....*<br />
<br />
September 12: I got a protective order. I didn't expect that piece of paper to change his behavior and I was right- it didn't. But I knew it was the beginning of a paper trail I was fully willing to follow as far as I needed to in order to be safe and free of him.<br />
<br />
September 14: He was served. He sent me three emails an hour after he was served. And I reported it.<br />
<br />
September 21: The temporary protective order was made permanent and he was served that day.... Because he was in jail on an unrelated charge.<br />
<br />
September 23: I made another police report. This was actually the third police report I had made. The first two had been about his violating the protective order. That is a misdemeanor, and because we were in different states, neither state would do anything about it. This time, though, I spoke with a deputy who informed me that "attempting to force someone to do something against their will, while holding something over their heads is a felony..." Like extortion or blackmail? Yep. Very interesting! She came over and we talked. She took pictures of my screenshots**. She got a felony warrant- extraditable.<br />
<br />
September 25: He was arrested through cooperation between his probation officer and the local police. I've had blissful peace since!!<br />
<br />
*Note: This kind of communication happened every day for the two weeks between my request for no-contact and his arrest. He threatened to find me, kidnap me, hurt me, and kill me. He demanded I block certain friends, respond to his communication, and put on the engagement ring he had given me. He claimed to be watching me in person, to have hacked my accounts and was watching what I did online and on my phone, and to have drugged me at one point before I left!<br />
<br />
**Note: I took screenshots of everything he did- texts, Facebook messages, emails, call logs, Pinterest messages, etc. I saved them to my computer. I sent them to a trusted friend who also saved them. And I gave them to the police each time I made a report. A copy is also on a flash drive held by another trusted friend.<br />
<br />
October 7: He was extradited to my state/county. It had me a little panicked when I found out he was just down the road.. but I'm ok with him being in the local Greybar Hotel. He hasn't contacted me since!<br />
<br />
November 15: I contacted his <strike>exwife</strike>.. estranged wife. We have compared notes. Just wow! The things! All the things! This man is well and truly a liar, a cheat, and an abuser (physically, emotionally). He is a danger and a threat to me, his wife, his current relationship, and to society in general.<br />
<br />
December 12: Plea hearing. He accepted the plea deal offered by the prosecution and plead guilty to one felony count of stalking. Everything else was dropped (not exactly happy about this, but ok). His sentencing hearing will be on February 6th and could result in prison time, jail time, a halfway house, or probation. I'll keep y'all posted. I felt it was appropriate to wait until after he had entered his plea before I posted this update. He still has 3-5 years of prison waiting for him in Utah (for violating probation on unrelated charges) when he's done with his sentence here. I'm sad for those who love him and have been relying on him. But I'm glad that he's away. He can't hurt anyone where he is.BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-20974729488513929392018-12-09T08:00:00.000-07:002018-12-09T08:00:04.975-07:00After Abuse<div dir="ltr">
Sure, it's hard being alone after being with an abuser. One of their primary tactics is control- which often comes in the form of being there, being present in your life every minute!.. yes, even when they're not actually physically present. There are phone calls, texts, and even protocols they expect when they're not around.<br />
<br />
That constant presence can be difficult to recuperate from when the victim leaves the relationship.<br />
<br />
And it has been. I've really been struggling lately.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I feel so lonely! I miss having someone to talk to, someone to hug/be hugged by. I sure don't miss him- never fear, I wouldn't go back!!!</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm trying to be smart, not rush into something just to have someone, but this loneliness almost hurts. I want.. need someone to just hold me sometimes. And there's nobody.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I'm trying so hard to not let this feeling push me to rush into something. I'm trying to be smart- take my time to find someone who is worth my time and will treat me right. But it's been soooo hard the last couple weeks.</div>
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I probably look like I'm doing fine. I know I'm less stressed now that.. stuff.. yeah. But I still feel like a hot mess: </div>
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I struggle with some emotional regulation.</div>
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I cry at stupid stuff, the least little bit of compassion and I start tearing up. But I hide that. I don't like to look weak or come across as being dramatic or hysterical.</div>
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I get angry easier than I used to.<br />
<br />
But I'm getting there. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there. </div>
BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-88823422167388262672018-12-02T08:00:00.000-07:002018-12-13T19:38:26.014-07:00IntermissionIn the middle of the updates....<br />
<br />
As I've been feeding my Pinterest addiction, I've been finding a lot of Pins about relationships (fancy that!), about how they end, the emotional aftermath, what happens when someone runs into their ex 5 years down the road and that awkward small talk...<br />
<br />
Here's the thing. Most of these Pins talk about the broken heart and the crying and the "I miss him/her" and the "I still love him with a little corner of my heart" stuff.<br />
<br />
But I don't think I do. I don't. Every memory I have is tainted. I question everything he ever said, everything he ever did. Why did he say that- was it even true? Why did he do that thing- was it another bid to try to control me?<br />
<br />
And I question that he even actually loved me. Yeah, he may have thought he did. But love.. real love, the love that moves us to support and encourage and above all, not hurt or manipulate the person we love.... Yeah, he didn't love me, not real love.<br />
<br />
I was in love with him, at one point. But the way he treated me through the entire relationship, the roller coaster, the lies, the guilt trips and pity parties (manipulation)- those eroded that first flush of excitement about having him in my life. I didn't truly believe him because of the lies he told at the beginning. I trusted him in some ways. But in others, I didn't.<br />
<br />
And honestly, I shouldn't have trusted him at all. After that first lie, I should have kicked him out on his ear! I should have packed his stuff and left it on the front step. I should have called his sister to come get him and never let him in my life again!<br />
<br />
Here's the thing:<br />
As much as it hurts that he lied (oh so many lies!), that he betrayed me on such a fundamental level, and that he did it so consistently and without regard to my wellbeing, I know it had nothing to do with me. His lack of integrity wasn't about me or who I was/am or what I did or didn't do to or for him.<br />
<br />
His behavior was exactly that- his. It was him. It was all about the quality of his own character. His actions were his and his alone to own.<br />
<br />
I think between this and telling what happened to me, that's where my healing is coming from. BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2410968263734555394.post-45081762692906518932018-11-25T08:00:00.000-07:002018-11-25T08:00:00.676-07:00General Update- Details Part 3So three weeks ago, I gave a general update. First on the update was that I
realized that my boyfriend was abusive. Second was that I moved. Third will be covered at a later date, but this week, I'll cover the last section of that update. As a refresher from <a href="http://godslove-myworld.blogspot.com/2018/11/a-general-update-on-my-life.html" target="_blank">that</a> post:<br />
"I've been applying to all kinds of places since I got here in August. I
found a (VERY) part-time job that helped cover some things. But
honestly, it wasn't enough. I'm grateful for friends who have helped
out. I've kept a ledger of what I owe you. Thank you for both your
generosity and your patience in my paying you back. With a decent
cash-flow, I can pay back those who have helped me these last couple
months. Then save up for a decent car (Christmas maybe?). Next, pay off
my freaking student loan! That's gonna be a while, though."<br />
<br />
Since writing that post, I've found full-time work. It's through a temp agency, but as a general rule, the company I'm assigned to uses this method for their regular full-time hiring process.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm an order-picker. Our clients call or enter their order online or whatever. And that order is processed, printed into a packet we call a dispatch. The dispatch includes part numbers, lot numbers, quantities, and bin locations. ... Yes, loads of numbers! And I have to match them exactly, no transposition, no alterations... unless that lot isn't available.<br />
<br />
But there's a procedure if we are out of a lot. Check the assigned bin location, check the flex area (there's a half a dozen bin locations that are regularly unassigned), check the computer. If that lot is out of stock, then we can amend the dispatch.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I get the dispatch and pick it- walk through the warehouse and collect all the parts in the correct lots, required quantities... and bring the whole thing to the labeling room to be labeled for the client, then the whole order gets taken to packaging to be prepared for shipping.<br />
<br />
By the way, I was curious, so I downloaded and installed a pedometer on my phone. I get an average of 10k steps every day! TEN THOUSAND!<br />
<br />
Best part: I'm getting a regular paycheck. It's every week, so it's both smaller and more often than I'm used to. When I get hired on permanent, the transition to every two weeks may be a little rough, but I figure if I plan ahead, make sure bills are paid ahead a little, put a little in savings for gas and groceries, I'll be ok.BonusMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10230312091498599317noreply@blogger.com