Sunday, August 28, 2016

The Decision

I've actually wanted this since last summer. I had a car that he blew the clutch on, and he offered to fix it despite my wanting to sell it (1990 Toyota Camry, old as dirt and not worth the time and parts-money). So I said, fine... and he got it torn apart and it sat for months (6? 12?). Last summer, I texted him from NM (was there for my nephew's birth) asking if he could return the parts and get his money back. Nope- the store had a 30-day return policy and it was waaay past that. So I asked if we could list them on ksl.com and make a little of that money back. He said, "It sounds like someone has talked you back into wanting to sell it..."

My old girl.
The thing about that exchange that bothered me was that it felt like he didn't trust me to be able to stand up for myself, like I'm some kind of silly fluff-headed woman who needs a big strong man to take care of me.

Those who know me with any sort of familiarity know that this didn't go over well at all. I realized that I wasn't obligated to tolerate being treated like I was stupid. Despite his robust protestations to the contrary, he really has treated me like I am unable to think about a situation rationally, to weigh the applicable information, and make an informed decision.

I've spent much of this marriage not being trusted.
My ability to find work.
My awareness of what is going on in my head and heart.
My verbal representation of those thoughts and feelings.
The validity or legitimacy of what I ask for.

This... (dunno what else to call it but) confusion in communication has been so prevalent in the last three years!!

For real, this happened:
"I'm mad and I need you to just not talk to me for a while!"
"Ok..." which was then followed by a text message, a Facebook message, and even a handwritten note asking if I wanted to go to a movie.

By raise of hands, who thinks I actually needed to be more clear and should have included all forms of communication, both spoken and written?.. or should he have been smart enough to figure that part out?

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