September is rough for me.
I have a lot of difficult memories, hard things that happened in Septembers of past years.
Last September, 2019, I was finally finding some happiness. Or at least
fun!
Two years ago, in September 2018, I had just left an abusive relationship. I'm sure ya'll
remember, right? Yeah, that was rough.
Four years ago, in September 2016, I was ending my second marriage, the end of a 3-and-a-half year
train wreck.
This year, I'm growing in a new relationship. I love it!
But I'm also finally in a safe place, both physically and emotionally, that I can really start healing. Which means that messy stuff is being brought to the surface.
The human body deals with stress in a number of ways. Sometimes the stress strains the immune system and the body becomes more susceptible to invasion. Sickness, infections, even autoimmune diseases then become a bigger part of life.
Sometimes the brain, the physical organ inside the skull gets overloaded and mental health issues arise, resulting in anxiety and panic disorders, depression, or phobias of various forms.
Sometimes the body develops another physical manifestation. This is mine:
I unconsciously tuck my thumb inside my fingers, and curl my wrist. Don't know why this particular movement, but that's what happens. If I'm driving, or my hands are holding/hanging on to something, my thumb will stroke the inside of the steering wheel or whatever as if it can't find it's proper place.
This has happened when I was near the courthouse- I think because that's the last place I saw the abuser. It's happened randomly at the grocery store or other times I've been out in public, but not sure why... I'm still working on that one.
This has been happening more recently, so I got to thinking.. and that's when I realized that yes, September is rough for me. So yeah, that's something new.
