As I start dating again, I find that some things have changed. Remember my original Deal-Breakers? I realized that those were based on some fundamental assumptions. And we all know what assumptions are ;)
Those assumptions were that I was dealing with someone who was reasonably rational, at least had a basic understanding of what "upstanding member of the community" meant. But as my updates have illustrated, that is something that does NOT "go without saying."
So here's me saying it.
My new deal-breakers (to be addressed before the other list- it's still pretty accurate, so...). It's a short list. I've written it in pretty plain language
Lying.
For real, this is about the fastest way to get rid of me. I can see fudging a little, glossing over the ugly truth some at the beginning of a relationship. I'm not a fan, but I understand it. But flat-out lies are gonna make me run, and run fast. I won't want or even seek revenge. I'll just be gone, ghost.
Breaking the Law.
Stuff happens, and I get that. But blatant and flagrant disregard for the law isn't gonna fly, either. Laws, local statutes, and even company policies are there for a reason. Most rules are either to prevent harm, illness or injury; avoid financial loss; or to make life easier for all involved. Some legislation isn't well thought out, and may be a knee-jerk reaction motivated by these reasons, but often, the intent is one of these reasons. Just follow the rules, yeah?
Abusive.
I don't give too turds why you think you should get to treat others with disregard, disrespect, unkindness, or use and manipulate them with impunity. Don't. It's a ginormous turnoff. I see you treating others like this, and I may roll my eyes when in the moment, but whatever I may have felt for you will be pretty near gone. Besides, if you treat others like that, what's stopping you from treating me like that??
With that said, I feel like I'm getting really good at seeing the precursors of these patterns. Or at least I'm a lot more sensitive to them. It's a bigger issue to me if someone does one of these things. I've met guys with pretty fantastic stories about work... and I just don't quite believe it. I've met guys who were rude about my "ignoring" them while I was on the clock at work. I've had men approach me who didn't have their lives together in any sense of the term.
