Sunday, August 19, 2012

Top Five

A while back (ok, so it was probably more like 2 years ago), I read an article about the adult dating scene (vs the teen dating scene). The author focused on the sifting process- how do you pick the keepers?

It was suggested to write a Top Ten list- one through five being your absolutely-gotta-have, deal-breaker type issues, and six through ten being things you'd really like to have but are willing to compromise on.

In my own attempt to write a Top Ten list, I only got to 6 or 7. After that, I couldn't think of anything that was worth actually writing down... and honestly, in a recent attempt to recreate my Top Ten list, I discovered that I've forgotten numbers 6 and maybe-7.. maybe they weren't so important after all?

But here's what I remember:

1- Spirituality and Religion.
My religion is a big part of who I am. It informs my opinions, thoughts, and attitudes about most everything- politics and social issues to child rearing theories and gender roles, personal financial management to home management and logistics. My ideal guy is my equal in what we believe.. and the level of commitment we feel.. and our long-term relationship goals.

2- Financially responsible.
At this point in my life, I'm not really interested in being with someone who is still "getting there." My ideal guy has his ducks in a row. He earns enough to provide for himself and a family. He manages his money and doesn't spend more than he earns. He knows how to AND DOES save. I'm not a gold-digger, not materialistic... I've just been-there/done-that.. and I don't wanna go back.

3-  Health.
As things age, they break down- this includes cars, homes.. and the human body. The trick is to manage the problems as they arise. If he's got his issues appropriately managed, then we're golden. Unmanaged physical problems or mental illness is a deal-breaker.

4- Family.
I was nearly 2 when my parents brought my first sibling, home from the hospital. I was perfectly naive about where babies come from, but the idea that I, as a little girl, could some day be a Mommy was just the coolest thing in my mind! When I was 18, I learned that I will never attain the role of mother through the usual avenue- my babies must come as a gift of love through another woman. Therefore, my ideal man must want parenthood as much as I do. He has to be as motivated to be a parent as I am. He must be willing and able to do what's necessary (see #2) to bring children into my home.

5- Common Courtesy and Respect
I went out once or twice with a guy who didn't trust that I knew my own mind. He'd ask me a question about my faith, then after I answered, he would tell me I was wrong. BIG mistake- he just hit my single solitary pet peeve. I'm pretty sure I know better than others what's going on in my own head and heart. After all, I'm the one in here ;) Also, I'm smart- I have good ideas once in a while. I'm spiritual- I get inspiration occasionally. Please don't automatically dismiss my input.

I've found a lot of guys who have three or four of five. I've found some who have made excuses for why they don't measure up (From someone who DID measure up at a young age: "Excuses are like armpits- we all have two and they both stink."-- love you, Dad!)

I've liked many of them.. a lot.

Some have asked and I've contemplated marrying.. seriously.

But I haven't taken anyone up on the offers. I don't want to compromise on things that are so very important to me. These issues are truly deal-breakers. I'm not perfect, and I'm not expecting someone who's perfect. But I do want someone who knows how many ducks he has, where they're supposed to be, has them basically in a row. I want a whole person.

Am I being unreasonable? What would you expect in a potential mate?