It was suggested to write a Top Ten list- one through five being your absolutely-gotta-have, deal-breaker type issues, and six through ten being things you'd really like to have but are willing to compromise on.
In my own attempt to write a Top Ten list, I only got to 6 or 7. After that, I couldn't think of anything that was worth actually writing down... and honestly, in a recent attempt to recreate my Top Ten list, I discovered that I've forgotten numbers 6 and maybe-7.. maybe they weren't so important after all?
But here's what I remember:
My religion is a big part of who I am. It informs my opinions, thoughts, and attitudes about most everything- politics and social issues to child rearing theories and gender roles, personal financial management to home management and logistics. My ideal guy is my equal in what we believe.. and the level of commitment we feel.. and our long-term relationship goals.
2- Financially responsible.
As things age, they break down- this includes cars, homes.. and the human body. The trick is to manage the problems as they arise. If he's got his issues appropriately managed, then we're golden. Unmanaged physical problems or mental illness is a deal-breaker.
5- Common Courtesy and Respect
I went out once or twice with a guy who didn't trust that I knew my own mind. He'd ask me a question about my faith, then after I answered, he would tell me I was wrong. BIG mistake- he just hit my single solitary pet peeve. I'm pretty sure I know better than others what's going on in my own head and heart. After all, I'm the one in here ;) Also, I'm smart- I have good ideas once in a while. I'm spiritual- I get inspiration occasionally. Please don't automatically dismiss my input.
I've found a lot of guys who have three or four of five. I've found some who have made excuses for why they don't measure up (From someone who DID measure up at a young age: "Excuses are like armpits- we all have two and they both stink."-- love you, Dad!)
I've liked many of them.. a lot.
Some have asked and I've contemplated marrying.. seriously.
But I haven't taken anyone up on the offers. I don't want to compromise on things that are so very important to me. These issues are truly deal-breakers. I'm not perfect, and I'm not expecting someone who's perfect. But I do want someone who knows how many ducks he has, where they're supposed to be, has them basically in a row. I want a whole person.
Am I being unreasonable? What would you expect in a potential mate?