Monday, September 12, 2016

The End

I have a friend who is a very talented psychologist. In some recent training, he saw a video, and shared it with me.

As I watched it, there were so many things I saw that made me re-think even my own behavior, choices, thoughts, and relationships. Sure, I've already decided that I don't like the Bratz dolls (including the Baby Bratz), and I don't like sassy things that are often printed on children's shirts,

But the thing that came to mind that surprised me was the degradation of my own marriage.

At 4:00, there's a list describing "sexualization." The third bullet caught my attention:
Link to Video on Youtube

Not sure if the two are connected, making someone a sexual object.... and not seeing their capacity for independent action and decision-making... but I get both of these from my soon-to-be ex-husband. He has often acted entitled to sexual intimacy, becoming angry or grumpy when I didn't put out. And a number of times, he has expressed lack of confidence in my decision making, my thoughts and input... and then he'll turn around and say he appreciates my skills, talents, and input.

Frankly, ignoring my capacity for independent action and decision-making was the straw that broke this camel's back (I could probably pinpoint the date this happened, too!). "It sounds like someone has convinced you to ..." That was the line. That was the sentence that pushed me over the edge. While those are the words he typed, what I heard, what I read was, "You're too emotionally weak to even stand up for yourself. You're not able to think for yourself. Because you are easily swayed, you should not be trusted to make decisions for your own life."

Anyone who knows me with any amount of familiarity knows that didn't go over well at all. When I realized he was doing that, I decided I didn't want to be married any longer to someone who thought I was incapable or unreliable to make my own decisions. I knew I would not be happy staying with someone who thought I was that deficient.

I've been planning and preparing for single-hood since that conversation.

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