Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Some Thoughts on Agency

Had a conversation with a friend...

"The trick is going to be my being ok with his lack of interest in fixing the portions of his dysfunctions that he does have power over."

See, we all have dysfunctions. Some of those dysfunctions, we can fix (with/without help, medication, counseling, etc). And some of those dysfunctions- there's just no helping them.

Sometimes the dysfunction is something that is simply something you're gonna have to live with. Then it becomes a matter of how you choose to live with it that makes the difference.


The other day, I ran into a older (in her 50s?) single woman from the other neighborhood. She has never married. And she's ok with that. There are a number of older never-married women in that neighborhood, actually. And I'm grateful for their example. They've chosen to do something besides wallow and pity-party their lives away. They've built careers, lives, networks of friends, and made good use of the opportunity to be wonderful influences in the lives of the people around them.

He has some dysfunctions.

Some, he can do something about- he can change his attitudes and behavior patterns and completely alleviate those problems in his life.

Other dysfunctions can't be completely removed from his life. They're going to take time and attitude adjustments to cope with.
I can't MAKE him change his attitude and paradigm.
I can't MAKE him acknowledge his fault.
I can't MAKE those changes happen.

And I need to get to where I'm ok with his choices. I'm getting there.

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