Seeing

Spoiler alert!!! If you haven't seen Avatar, or Moana, be warned- I'm going to spoil the end of both of these.

That said, this post is about seeing.

In Avatar, US/Earth military forces team up with a mining corporation to pull precious ore from an alien planet. Plot twist: the planet is inhabited by 10' tall blue aborigines. It feels something like a cross between FernGully and Dances with Wolves... with giant blue natives. The Na'vi have an idiom, "I see you," that has little to do with one's eyesight. "Seeing" someone, to them, means truly understanding who they are on the inside- the good, bad, and ugly... and acknowledging, accepting, and maybe even loving. Neytiri saw her Jake as he truly was- human, paraplegic, poisoned by her air-, and still loved him.


In Moana, a young girl (not a princess!), daughter to the chief, decides to take matters into her own hands and sail beyond the reef- an act that is forbidden- to save her people. She has to find Maui, a demi-god, help him find his magic fishhook, then sail to the island of TaFiti to return the goddess (same name as the island- she IS the island) her heart back. The trouble is, when Maui originally took TaFiti's heart, a lava monster, TeKa came into being... and they have to defeat TeKa in order to get TaFiti's heart back where it belongs. Plot twist: As Maui is trying to defeat TeKa, Moana realizes that Teka IS TaFiti! The lava monster and the island goddess are one and the same! Moana sings,

I have crossed the horizon to find you.
I know your name.
They have stolen the heart from inside you,
But this does not define you.
This is not who you are
You know who you are... who you truly are.

Moana recognized TaFiti, even when she was in pain, damaged and broken. And so was able to heal a goddess!


Sometimes, being seen, being fully known and understood, recognized, acknowledged... and still loved. There's something to that.

I challenge you to practice Seeing those around you. Recognize and accept all the parts of them. The pristine and the scars, the sweet and the bitter, the ugly and the beautiful, the simple and the complex. Accept it. And work to be grateful for all those parts of those around you.

Merry Christmas.. according to...

This evening, I was asked to prepare a kind of a lesson plan for a friend for tomorrow. Given the holiday (holy day?), I had a great plan.. dunno how it will go over, but here's what I put together.

Merry Christmas, according to Samuel, Helaman, Nephi, and Luke!

In the Book of Mormon:

Helaman 13:2 and Helaman 14:2-8

Samuel the Lamanite comes, prophesies 5 years before it happens- the coming of Jesus... Christmas!

3 Nephi 1:5-17 (note verse 13!!)

Those who believed in Samuel's prophesy were threatened with death.. and the Sign came the night they were to be killed. Note verse 13: "On this night, the sign shall be given..."

Then move to the Bible:

Luke 1: 26-37

The angel Gabriel (Noah?) came to tell Mary she would have a son.. The Son of God. Note verse 37: "For with God nothing shall be impossible."

Luke 2:1-20

Verse 5- "Espoused" is a step between our modern "engaged" and "married" where they still had the expectation of complete social and physical fidelity, but they were not to live together or have sex with each other yet. This stage of the relationship was often 6 months to a year long.

Verse 7- Many people were in Bethlehem because of Caesar's order for taxes. The prospect of not being able to find a place to stay was very real. At that time, no room at the inn wasn't about not having enough private rooms. An inn was a home, usually, with one great room. Each guest at the inn would lay a blanket down to identify their space. If Mary and Joseph had been in the inn, she would not have had any privacy for giving birth. Some speculate that the innkeeper saw she was super-pregnant and sent them to the stable (a cave where animals were kept) so that she would have privacy (and probably so her labor and delivery would not disrupt the other guests!).

Verse 12- The shepherds in the field were keepers of very special flocks, being so close to town. Part of what they did was identify first-born lambs so they could be kept for temple sacrifices. When a first-born male lamb was born, they'd wrap him up in swaddling clothes to keep him clean and unspotted so he would be fit for sacrifice. They were called by the angels to witness the first born Lamb of God, wrapped in swaddling clothes!

Isaiah 9:6

Good lyrics if you know the tune!

I'm not Ready

In Sunday school a couple weeks ago, we were talking about exaltation. And all the things that go with it.

One of the men in class said that he wasn't sure he wanted exaltation, eternal increase, etc, "I can barely handle the four children I have!"

While that may be true *now*, the reality is that who and what we are now is not who and what we will be.

Once we die, we will be free of the clouded perceptions we have now. We'll be free of our insecurities and our fears, our weaknesses and our neuroses. I believe that coming into the presence of our Father, having Him gather each of us in His arms and saying, "Oh, my baby is come home! I love you so very much!" will change our perspective on a fundamental level.

There will be no more "just" anything. "I was just a stay-at-home mom. "I just sold homes. "I was just a teacher." No more "just."

We will know who we truly ate, mighty sons and daughters of the Almighty God!!! His offspring, His children, heirs to all He is and all He has.

Literally.

We can be like Him, as a toddler can grow up to be like his daddy.

That awareness, that confidence is something we can't even understand now, let alone have. And it won't be pride or arrogance. Rather it will be simply an awareness of the truth of who we are.

The perfect house plan!!!!

The other day, I was thinking.

Some day, I want to own a home. I know that at this point of the game, that's a very slim chance. But it's still something that I want.

My dream house is essentially a ranch style home with all the necessities on the ground floor: master bedroom, kitchen, pantry, laundry room, family gathering areas, and garage. Because I have arthritis in my knees. And I really don't like stairs.

The kitchen sink area is not visible from the front door. Because that area so easily becomes a mess.

The formal dining area is huge! Because I love to have company over.

The master bathroom has an ensuite bathroom. With a huge garden tub. And the shower has dual heads and dual controls. And there's a little sitting area in the bedroom. With a bookshelf.

And extra bedrooms upstairs. Maybe four or five.

And then I found this on Pinterest!

Do you realize how exactly perfect this floor plan is??? All this stuff on the main floor. The only thing missing is a pantry.. easy to fix- put it back-to-back to the laundry room.

And upstairs:

Upstairs- three extra bedrooms. The bonus room above the garage- that could be another bedroom.. or two. Or something else. *shrug.

When an Addict Recovers

I never really thought about how an addict becomes a former-addict/recovering addict. It was something that I never dealt with personally, so it didn't ping my radar...


Until recently.

So what does it take?

Recognition
Of course, the addict has to see she's an addict, and that it's not ok. Whatever "not ok" looks like, how ever "not ok" is defined- that doesn't matter. But the addict recognizes that where she is isn't ok.



Action
Then a decision to do something. Quit. Self control isn't always enough. Support, medical supervision, an in-patient program.

Support

Then there's the other lifestyle changes. Maybe the addict goes to meetings- AA, or other group meeting program. Get rid of the old friends, and make new friends. Learning to live without the addiction, finding other ways to cope with stresses and boredom.

Time
It takes time to develop these new behavior patterns and habits. Time to end old friendships (or rather convince the old friends that they are no longer welcome in your life), and create new friendships.

It seems that most of that time is required to prove that the "old me" doesn't exist any more and to build a reliable track record. So what to do in the meantime? As I said in a previous post, when one person changes, others in the same circles will resist. Family will continue to accuse or judge, friends will continue to tempt (that's why the addict sometimes has to ditch the old friends and find new clean friends). Even law enforcement sometimes will sometimes try to round up "the usual suspects."

Changes

Families have roles. And even non-biological "families" have roles. Every group we belong to has individuals who fill a certain niche within the group.

There are leader-type rolls, like parents or the voice of reason. They're often more experienced and wiser. These are the ones who prepare. MacGuyver with his pocket knife and chemistry knowledge.

There is the joker/clown always laughing, telling stories, and making jokes. They can be counted on for a good time... or trouble.

The golden child is the favorite who can do no wrong. They get away with so much more, and are given extra privileges, more leeway, etc.

The black sheep or fifth whee is the odd man out, the different one, the one who is often left out, sometimes intentionally, sometimes because they're labeled as not fitting for one reason or another. Maybe their interests don't quite match up with everyone else.

There's the scapegoat. Sometimes, also the black sheep, this role is opposite of the golden child. This one is always in trouble, always gets the blame.

But what if the VOR decides to throw caution to the wind and take up sky-diving?
Or the scapegoat says, "Thanks, but I'm not the one at fault this time."
Or the joker has a health crisis and gets serious.
Or the golden child just quits.

The irony is that if any of these roles wants to be something different, the rest of the family actually fights them on it. See, people like predictability, and change is exactly NOT predictable.

But it's not just the family or the friend-group. Even society at large does this.

So what does it take for someone to change and be accepted as the "new you"...?

Time. 

That's the answer: time.

Found it!

Oh!
Em!
Gee!

I found it! This is a short story I wrote in high school (senior year, 1993-1994). Thought it was super cool at the time, but I was also well-aware that there was a huge monumental plot hole in it. A couple years ago I figured out a plug for the hole.. modern science gave me the solution: colored contacts. Yes, that's the solution.

But I didn't know where I had saved the story (on a floppy somewhere, probably), so I chalked it up to lost.

The other day I was going through a tote of what I thought was books. Actually, it was handouts and notes from classes, fliers from church and such, articles from magazines,.. just yeah- I think I tossed about half of it...

And papers I'd written for high school!.. and I found the original story!

So here's my Sci-Fi Lit/Comp short story. I'm taking suggestions for the title.




[Clever title]

"Mom, I'm home," Liz Anne said as she passed the motion-detecting sensor at the door.

"Good, can you help me with dinner? Your brother has a date tonight, so we will be having a guest for dinner." Mrs. Hansen was in the kitchen starting dinner.

"Kim?" Liz Anne wanted to know.

"Yup. Would you get a fried chicken kit out of the pantry for me, dear?"

"Mom, why do you have to use that archaic microwave oven? Mary Sue's mom uses a re-hydrator, even though it's been on the blitz lately. And it's not like we can't afford it. It's the 22nd century, for heaven's sake!" Why does Mom always have to be so old-fashioned, she thought.

"Dear, if you think the microwave is old, you ought to hear about the old convection ovens..." Elizabeth Hansen was interrupted by a loud bang on the door as Liz Anne almost groaned in fear of another "When I was your age" story.

"Beth, dear, would you PLEASE call the repairman tomorrow to fix that door- the outside sensor isn't working again." Ned Hansen came through the door as Liz Anne opened it for her father.

"Hey, Mom, I need to call Kim," Robert said as he scanned the room with his new Eyes. The doctor had told him to practice using them as soon as possible.

"It's in the living room by the old reading lamp."

"Thanks, Sis," was the reply as he went into the other room.

Dialing verbally, "347-8074... Hi, Kim? We're having fried chicken from the MICROWAVE!! Real home cooking, if you want to eat over here.. Sorry, I forgot... What's with this thing? I HATE YOU!... Oh, no, not you- the phone was acting up. How about if I pk you up in the Hover at 2000 and hen we go to Tammy Rohda's?.. Ok, bye."

"ROBERT," Mr. Hansen's voice almost echoed in the spartan room. "Did you forget that I have an appointment tonight and need the Hover? I've told you to check before you promise something..."

"Hey, what on the planet Earth happened?!" Liz Anne was suddenly very frightened.

"What did happen?" Robert was unaware of what had happened since his Eyes sensed infrared light. "Liz, you look like you're blind. What happened? Mom, Dad, what's wrong??"

"We CAN'T see," was the unison reply.

"Well, I can see, but.. Hey, the door is locked. I know what happened, we're having an electrical failure."

His father then said, more to himself than anyone, "We haven't had one of them for over 50 years!"

"That's very nice  Dad, but if there's no electricity, how do we get out of the house? The door uses electricity to open. Should I try to force it open?"

"Sure, it seems the only way for us to get out." After some thought, "Do you want some help, Son?"

"If you can get over here without taking out your knee."

"No prob--" There was a loud thunk, followed by a loud groan of pain, a variety of mumbled obscenities, an apology, and a strained, "I'm fine, I promise."

"Dad, take one step to your, uh, right. Good.. ah, three steps forward. No, smaller... that's better. Put your hands out in front of you, that's good. Now, about a half step forward. There's the door."

As Robert guided Ned to the door with his words, Liz Anne started to cry. "Mom, I'm scared," she mumbled as she fought to control her voice. "I feel like we've been reduced to cavemen. No lights, no heat, we can't even get out! We're trapped!" The hysteria in her voice was all too plain to a mother's ears.

"Honey, it's okay..." Mrs. Hanson tried to comfort her daughter but was interrupted by a thick sliding sound.

"Beth, we got the door open. But we're not the only ones without power; the entire city is dark." Ned looked out over the great metropolis that spread from the coast as far as the eye could see. It was dark where it should have been bright enough to reflect off the clouds. The panorama scared him and as his family joined him at the battery door, he heard his wife, daughter, and even his son guest in fear, fear of the unknown.

Suddenly the clouds flickered, and they were blown out of the way by a gargantuan disc that could be described as two football field-sized plates turned it to face each other. As it lowered, three great legs begin to extend from the lower half. It seemed that the legs were directed; they were moving about as if to find a suitable spot to set down. The three legs, terminating in plate shaped feet about a half meter across were placed in three nearby intersections where traffic and halted with the power failure.

Beth Hansen suddenly felt compelled to proceed down Residential Hill and go to the vessel.

"MOM, where are you going?" Liz Anne almost shrieked.

Shaking her head as if to wake up, she replied, "I don't know. I just suddenly feel compelled to..." and she continued, hurriedly down the hill.

***

"Superior, I've sent the message. She should be showing up within the chron," replied Number Two. As she disengaged herself from the T-comm.

"Very good. Number Four, is she within visual range?" the Captain asked her technical advisor.

"Not yet, but within the next few centi-chrons she will be."

"What is the condition of the planet?" Captain inquired of Number Three, the ecological specialist.

"This race appears to be quite stupid. They have depleted almost all of their natural resources; fossil fuels, and environmental. Their atmosphere is a total disaster; Massive amounts of carbon monoxide, Smog, and no shielding there either, unless you want to count the cloud cover." Number Three showed his efficiency in the answer.

***

"Roberts, get your mother! Tackle her, hit her, just bring her back." Ned was terrified for his wife's life but could do very little as he watched his son get thrown to the ground with a sickening thud he wasn't even sure he knew the woman who had thrown his son to the ground like a rash and drop her. She was soon racing down the hill.

***

"Superior," Number Four interrupted the captain. "She was attacked, but defended herself without guidance. I think it was her... son."

"Was he hurt?"

"No, I think he just got a knock on the head. He will survive with no damage. But, Sir, isn't he supposed to be coming with her?"

"If he comes, he comes. Is her husband's coming?"

"No, Captain."

"How about her daughter?"

"I'm sorry, superior, but she isn't responding either," Number Four said apologetically.

"Captain, should I open the portal, yet?" Junior One asked anxiously, almost interrupting.

"Not quite yet, J1. Wait until you can see her with the Eye." Captain spoke of the Sacred Eye.

***

"Dad, should I follow her? To see where she's going?" Liz Anne asked her father.

"Yeah, I'll go with you."

"But, Dad, Robert needs help. He's just laying over there."

"He'll be okay. We must go."

***

"Captain, change the previous report. Her husband and daughter are coming," Number Four commented. "Superior," she said almost in a whisper, "why are we collecting specimens?"

Curiosity has gotten the better of her, Captain thought. "That is for me to know, and you to find out. You will eventually know, I promise."

"Captain, I think she's within visual range," Number Four broke in.

"Let us see what the She looks like." The officers could hear the capital as Captain spoke.

The view screen lit up the bridge, and the officers all gasped. The woman looked exactly like Captain. They looked at Captain synchronously and realize that she was weeping.

Junior one silently open to the portal.

***

Has Mr. Hansen accompanied his daughter down the hill, Mrs. Hanson reach the portal to the alien ship. She stopped, and seemed to awake from a trance. "What am I doing here? How did I get here?" She spoke in almost a whisper, and put a hand to her head. She turned around just as her daughter and husband arrived.

"Come," Ned commanded, sending cold chills up Beth's spine.

"Why? We need to get home, not get on this ship." Ned grabbed her upper arm, and propelled her toward the menacing maw in the side of the ship. "What are you doing? Let go of me!" A wave of panic washed over Beth as she slapped Ned. "Wake up! Liz Anne, wake up! Help!!"

And she suddenly realized that she would have to run to her husband unconscious, she let her fist fly. She went to her daughter, took her by the shoulders and spoke, "Elizabeth, come out of it!!"

Suddenly, Liz and blinked her eyes rapidly and shook her head. "Mom, where are we?"

"Don't worry about that now. We have to stop your father!"

"Why, what's he doin-" as Liz Anne turn to find her father, he stepped through the portal and was followed by total darkness.

***

"Hey, where am I? What's going on?" Suddenly came out of his trance and discovered himself utterly disoriented, and in complete darkness; as total is when the power head going out at home earlier that evening, which seems to have happened ages ago.

"Calm yourself, Ned. I've brought you here to help you," an unfamiliar voice responded.

"What is going on? What are you talking about? My home is back on Residential Hill." By now, mister Hanson was too uneasy to think clearly.

"If it will help you be calm," the first voice interrupted you can call me Captain." Then after some thought, added, "although turning at the lights would probably easier alarm quicker," in an almost motherly tone. "Lights up."

There appeared to be an inordinately dim glow from above Ned's head, and he could almost make out five pairs of glowing dusky multi-colored eyes. "Which one of you is Captain?"

One pair of opal colored eyes raised about 15 cm, "I am she."

"She?" Ned queried disbelievingly.

"That is correct, we have a female for a superior." The second voice stated, "I am known as Number Two, and I am also female. Is that bad?" she asked thoughtfully.

"No, it's just that... I don't know. Speaking of which, where are my wife and daughter?"

"They are here, Captain." A third voice penetrated the conversation.

"Where are they?"

"Here." As Captain spoke, the lights brightened fractionally, and Ned saw Beth and Liz Anne. But the women's faces were pale with terror.

"Are you two all right?" Ned went to his wife and daughter and embrace them and turning to the eyes, "What do you want with us?"

As Captain took a closer look at the trio, she looked at Number Two and it said in a damning voice, "You called the wrong ones!"

 ***

It wasn't until the Captain and her crew were half way home that they intercepted a stray transmission from earth about a new mutation that had been found.

But it wasn't really a mutation. Contact lenses. Colored contact lenses had been developed that gave the illusion of both different colors of eyes as well as motion within the iris.

Romance Novels, and the Real Fantasy

Romance novel formula:
Displaced broken woman: new place, environment, etc.. just out of a bad relationship.
New place = new guy. And he's also vulnerable- some kind of heartbreak... but he's a good man. Not the cliche "nice guy".. but an actual good man- responsible, honest, hardworking, etc.

They meet, he's gruff and abrasive, so she doesn't like his rough exterior. But then she finds out his vulnerability. Whether he lets it slip or one of his friends tells her, or she's just super observant, she finds out... and softens toward him.

Then they get their freak on.

But I realized recently: The sex isn't her fantasy- her fantasy is the good man, the man who will respect and protect her. He will treasure her heart.

See, I really think that in these books, the real fantasy, what the readers are really looking for is the dream that there are still good men available. Someone who is intelligent, kind, honest, hardworking, willing to commit, and capable of loving her and treating her the way she wants to be treated.

Aprons are for Working

There are a lot of kinds of aprons....

Grandma's apron

Cookies and home made noodles!

There are cooking aprons...

Grilled steak and plated masterpieces.

Both functional and just plain fun!

Sunday dinner

Work aprons are usually heavy, made of leather or sturdy canvas to prevent injury to the wearer.

Woodwork and metalwork

Little aprons for waitresses...

Blue-plate special for Table 4!

And aprons that are serious about protection!

Chemicals and burns

But there's one thing all these aprons have in common. Protecting the wearer while work is being done. Protection and work.


Those of my readers who have been through the LDS temple know that another kind of apron is worn there. It is also for protection while labor is being done. A different kind of protection, and a different kind of labor, but protection and labor nonetheless.

Fools, Fools, all of Them!

Because of my exhusband's health issues, I belong to a group on Facebook for women who are (or have been in the past) with a sex addict. A recent post from another WOPA (wife of porn addict) prompted this reply from me. She realized that she's been spending her whole life trying to prove her worth to other people her entire life... I replied:

In practically every other animal species, from gnats to blue whales, it's the males that have to prove they deserve to get any "action." Brighter feathers, tougher claws, prettier nests or burrows, more beautiful songs, fancier dances, fiercer fighting, etc.

But for some reason, we humans have it flipped. It didn't used to be that way. Once upon a time, boys courted girls. Girls played hard-to-get and were praised by their elders for such behavior.

But now, Satan's plan to destroy the family has flipped that on its head:

First, make the daughters of God question their value.

1a) Make them think that the only way to be "equal" is to join men on "their" turf- push women to leave the home and get a job, have a career. Put them in the workplace so they are competing with men in the men's world.. and they're not at home where they are needed most.

1b) Since society no longer values women in the home, and they can't effectively compete in the workplace, make women compete against each other. And move the mark so high nobody can really reach it: Make it about sex. Manipulate them to feel like they need to pander and chase the boys. Make them feel like they aren't good enough- aren't pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough.

Pardon the language, but screw that. Women, you are enough. Stop playing Satan's game. Just because your husband doesn't value you doesn't make you worthless.. it makes him a damn fool.

It makes all these men fools: they somehow think that a paper or screen-image.. a 2-dimensional, airbrushed/photoshopped lie of an image is somehow superior to a 3-dimensional warm responsive real live human being who loves them and has promised her heart and soul to him.

And they're fools.

I Work in Hell

Yes you heard me right. I believe I work in Hell, actual Hell on Earth.

Those of you who are not familiar with the LDS understanding of Hell- it's a little different. See, to us, hell is looked at two ways:

First ~ A spiritual death, a separation from God, possibly only temporary.

Second ~ A a permanent residence out of His presence.

After the Final Judgment, there will be a few select people who have earned a spot in a place we call Outer Darkness. Yes, we believe it takes pretty deliberate intent to get relegated to Outer Darkness! From revelation, we understand this to be a place completely removed from God and all He has to offer us- love, light, knowledge, power, etc. And I don't think that's just figurative light.. maybe it's literal light.

If we look at that the name of this place/condition in a literal and physical sense, it's darkness. Dark. No light. No electromagnetic radiation of any kind, visible or otherwise. None of this:

No radio waves, microwaves, infrared radiation (aka heat), visible light, ultraviolet, X-rays, etc. No visible light, no heat! Those there are essentially blind and frozen! The horror!

Yeah, I'm not digging it either!

So now to explain how "I Work in Hell."

See, I work at a place that processes and packages meat for commercial use. Handling meat safely requires certain conditions to maintain the quality and safety of our product. The meat comes to our plant frozen. We thaw it, cook it using a variety of different methods (fry, bag-steam, etc), then chill it back to something safe to transport. These temperature changes are done as quickly as possible to keep the meat out of the danger zone (40-140*) as much as possible. Because humans handle below-40* better than above-140*, I spend most of my time at work in the below-40* range: I work in a fridge, always cold... or moving so I stay warm.

I also work second shift: I go to work in the afternoon, and get done in the middle of the night.

Some of the meat smells oh-so tasty! Seriously, fried chicken.. but you're at work, so you aren't going to be eating any of it. Who remembers the story of Tantalus? Always out of reach.

The fryer sometimes produces huge lumps of steaming charred stuff that is unusable, so it is tossed. Barrels (like the one on the right, but in red) filled with steaming sizzling cinders! Fire and brimstone, anyone?

I work Second shift: I go to work in the afternoon, and get done in the middle of the night.

So there you have it: the cold and darkness of Outer Darkness, the torture of Tantalus, the fire and brimstone of traditional Hell. Yup, that about covers it.

Mice and other Invaders II: Traitor!

I have gotten to the point that I have very few deal-breakers when it comes to dating.

Giving aid and quarter to the enemy is one of them.

And by "quarter" I mean anything that results in their continuing and/or ongoing existence in my home.

And by "enemy" I mean anything not specifically invited in. That includes but isn't limited to: gnats, fruit flies, regular flies, wasps, beetles, moths, spiders, and yes, mice!

The other day, the Boyfriend was hanging at my (NEW- yay!!) house after I left for work. He texted me on my break to notify me that there was a mouse in the house.

The rodent had run across the living room floor. And the boyfriend just said, "He's not hurting anybody" and didn't bother to take note of where the furry intruder ran to or from.

"He's not hurting anybody." Nope. Nopety hellno!

There is an entire page on the CDC website devoted to "diseases directly transmitted by rodents"

For your reading pleasure:

Rabies

Hantavirus

Bubonic Plague

And those were just the ones I knew about. Apparently, there are almost a dozen on the CDC page! Add diseases indirectly transmitted, and there are another FIFTEEN diseases! (like Lyme disease and Colorado tick fever)

https://www.cdc.gov/rodents/diseases/indirect.html

So, dear Sweetheart, that mouse may not be directly hurting anyone, but he is suspect enough that his fate is sealed!

Update:

✔ traps bought

✔ baited with peanut butter

✔ set

✔ wait...

✔ sprung!

✔ dead mouse!

 And this is all that is left of the Mouse Invader II!

Until next time...

Happy Father's Day

Happy Fathers' Day!

Moving Day

Moving Day!

For the last 8 and a half months, I've been living with my parents, in the room I grew up in. Now I'm moving to my own place. Just me. No roommates, no shared walls, no shared ceiling/floor. Just me in the whole house.

Before

The landlord has done so much work on the place!

The new shed

Cabinets by Ikea

Even a little dishwasher!

New Counters-:re-purposed wood from the old shed. So pretty!

Same sink as before, plumbed in. Excited!

Pretty paint- lucky mistint!

Front window.

Thanks to my dad, brother, and sweet boyfriend, we got everything from my storage unit. I still have a few things at my parents' home, but I can do that with my little car.

It's going to be a while to unpack and really move in. But I'll get there.

Memorial Day

First in a while- I have a day off tomorrow!

I work in production. For those who don't or never have worked in production, it's tough. It's very demanding physically. Beating yourself against the machine, like John Henry. And so often it feels like I'm going to die... either physically or emotionally.

But this post isn't about what I do. It's what others have done... and continue to do.

It's about what others have given up.

Source

It's about what I owe those who have sacrificed.

Source

I'm grateful for the day off.. but I'm more grateful for the choices I have that so many don't.

Cuba

North Korea

China

Vietnam

Facebook Official

I have a number of single friends.. ok, so I am one too. And the thing about singles is that we date. Sometimes those dates peter out to nothing. Or there's a second and third date that then fades. But when it doesn't fade, but grows instead, the big question comes:

This Whisper got a couple answers:

Apparently, Facebook is bad. I admit- that site has pretty serious drama potential!

And this was to another Whisper asking the same question:

So, faithful readers- at what point does a couple change their Facebook relationship status to "in a relationship with _____"...?

New Discoveries and Uncomfortable Things

Disclaimer- this post is going to talk about some very sensitive and personal things. If discussion about "marital relations" is upsetting, triggering, or uncomfortable to you.. or if you're under 18, please pass. My intent is not to upset my readers, rather to teach, enlighten, and inform. If you do choose to pass on this post, I will not be offended in the least- in fact, here's the TL/DR version of this post:

One of the major problems in my second marriage was because

I was responding emotionally on a subconscious level to one of his dysfunctions.

 (I'll post some pictures to give the more-sensitive readers a chance to close the tab/window without having to read stuff that makes them uncomfortable.)

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You've been warned, but you're still here. I applaud your courage.

As most of you know, I was married for 3 and a half years to a man with two huge dysfunctions. One diagnosis he outright rejects and it remains completely untreated and unmanaged. Today, I'm talking about the other one.... but I'm not actually going to talk about his dysfunction. I'm going to talk about my reactions to that particular dysfunction.

He is a sex addict. He sees sex as necessary to his functionality. He doesn't see sex as optional, as icing on the cake of life. Because of that attitude, everything he did physically with me- hugs, holding hands, kissing- was with the end goal of sex in mind.

Not intimacy, just sex.

Remember:

Sex and Intimacy are not the same thing.

Intimacy doesn't necessarily require removal or moving of clothing. Emotional intimacy is about being honest with yourself and your partner, being vulnerable to each other, and providing a safe place for your partner to be vulnerable.

About Year 2, I developed what I'm going to call "sexual apathy" toward him. I had no interest in sex with the man I was married to. This wasn't normal to me. My first husband and I enjoyed a healthy sexual facet throughout our 10-year marriage. So this loss of interest bothered me- something was wrong!

Then around our 3rd anniversary in the spring of 2016, the sexual apathy became sexual repulsion: I distinctly and specifically wanted to not be with him. The idea of being with him sexually was repulsive, gross, yucky. And yes, this desire to not spend time with him extended to other settings besides the bedroom. I knew I had to change something. I knew for a fact he wasn't going to change-- bishops, stake presidents, and other leaders had given him direction, and while he would obey that direction, he didn't accept it as actually applicable to him... And that was the problem- while his behavior may have changed, his attitude didn't. And I believe it never will.

So I asked for a divorce.

He believes the problem is his physiological. I don't know if he will ever see the problem as being (at least in part) his attitude. So I pray for the woman in his life, whoever she may be, whatever her background. I pray that she will have the gift of discernment- that she will be perceptive to his state of mind and his motivations, that she will be aware of her own feelings and state of mind, and be able to keep herself and any children involved safe, both emotionally and physically.