After Abuse

Sure, it's hard being alone after being with an abuser. One of their primary tactics is control- which often comes in the form of being there, being present in your life every minute!.. yes, even when they're not actually physically present. There are phone calls, texts, and even protocols they expect when they're not around.

That constant presence can be difficult to recuperate from when the victim leaves the relationship.

And it has been. I've really been struggling lately.

I feel so lonely! I miss having someone to talk to, someone to hug/be hugged by. I sure don't miss him- never fear, I wouldn't go back!!!

I'm trying to be smart, not rush into something just to have someone, but this loneliness almost hurts. I want.. need someone to just hold me sometimes. And there's nobody.

I'm trying so hard to not let this feeling push me to rush into something. I'm trying to be smart- take my time to find someone who is worth my time and will treat me right. But it's  been soooo hard the last couple weeks.

I probably look like I'm doing fine. I know I'm less stressed now that.. stuff.. yeah. But I still feel like a hot mess:

I struggle with some emotional regulation.

I cry at stupid stuff, the least little bit of compassion and I start tearing up. But I hide that. I don't like to look weak or come across as being dramatic or hysterical.

I get angry easier than I used to.

But I'm getting there. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there.