"See, back when I was in high school and we were learning about domestic violence, date rape, and the like, I promised myself I would never stay with someone who abused me. Of course, physical abuse was all that I really thought about.... But this last July, I realized my boyfriend was emotionally abusive. Emotional abuse is SOOOOO hard to recognize!!! Like my dad says about carbon monoxide poisoning, "It's hard to be aware of something that causes reduced awareness." Emotional abuse reduces the victim's ability to recognize the very abuse they're being subjected to."
Remember this post? Watch the video. I tried finding it on Youtube. It's not there anymore. But watch the video.
The relationship was rocky from the start. He lead out with a lie, and a pretty big one at that. I believed him. Do I blame my own lack of due diligence? Do I blame his (eventually proven) habitual dishonesty? Eh, some of both, I think. But I forgave him... and regret it. I should have tossed him out on his ear!
Because the lying just continued.
Then there were the fights. He would pick fights all the time. And of course, his solution was always to leave. Never to stay and talk it out. Nope, just leave. Because that solves everything!
And the protocols, my word. There were things he wanted me to do, because "It's just the little things that really make a relationship..." and "It's because I love you and worry about you..." and because he's insecure. At least that's what I thought at first.*
And the baseless accusations of cheating. Every time I wasn't where he thought I should be or doing what he thought I should be doing, or didn't respond to his texts and phone calls fast enough, the only possible reason was because I was cheating. He couldn't imagine any other reason I wouldn't answer right away. It certainly couldn't be because I ran into a coworker at the grocery store.. or I left my phone in the living room while I went to the bathroom.. or maybe I was talking with a friend so he got a busy signal... noooo!! I must be cheating! *eye-rolling
Eventually, the emotional abuse- the accusations, the controlling demands, the guilt trips and pity parties... He escalated just after Independence Day this last summer and called me a whore.
So it was a day or two later, and I was thinking about it, and realized "That's not ok. It's abusive. I'm leaving...." and started considering possible resources and options. I began formulating a plan immediately. There was no deliberation, no wondering if it was the right thing to do. It was simply the thing to do.
Ironically, my original plan was to move on my birthday in early October. I figured I could pull together money for a moving truck by then. But then I found out he was back to his illegal ways. That made me furious! He was on probation for this stuff. Sure, he had already issued a veiled threat- "Snitches get stitches.. and I've been the one to give them stitches..." So now I have to decide between him and my own safety... and my integrity! Oh, I was FURIOUS!!!
Then I found the sexting conversations. Yes, he was sexting with another woman. Ironically, this wasn't the first. Back in October 2017, he had been talking to an old friend from another state, had all but proposed to her, "That just makes me fall more and more in love with you... I want to put a ring on that finger.".. Mmhm!! No wonder she won't talk to him now. I entirely understand!
So between the ramp-up on the emotional abuse, the recidivism back to his old ways, and the cheating, I was beyond done! I found some help and I was gone in 24 hours!
Watch for next week's details on moving!
