My Manifesto

Recent events have enlightened my mind to some very serious flaws in how I've been living my live, where I have put my energy, and what I have allowed into my life. So I'm fixing that. Now.

So this is my Manifesto. This is my declaration of policy, how I will live my life, my aims and goals in life.

My Manifesto

INTEGRITY

I expect integrity from myself and others.

I will recognize and acknowledge the truth.

Beliefs, words, and actions will be consistent- both in myself and those around me.

KINDNESS

I will show kindness to myself and others. I expect kindness from those around me.

SELF-CARE

I will make sure I'm ok.

My health, safety, and prosperity will be maintained before others convenience.

I will love myself.

RESPECT

For myself and for others. From myself and from others. 

I will treat others with dignity because I deserve dignity from them.

I will establish Boundaries as needed to maintain safety for my body, mind, and heart

SUCCESS

I will succeed because I can, I know how, and I have the right to the opportunity to succeed!

So what do you think? What would you change for your own Manifesto?

Masks

Somehow, over the years, I've developed an outer shell, a facade, a tough exterior. And sadly, the world has colluded. "Oh, she's tough- she can handle it."

 Except that I can't handle it. Or at least I can't handle it all. A year and a half ago, I broke trying to handle it all.

"Before you get to that point, ask for help." I did.. and my plea for help was used against me.

"Why didn't you say something?" Well, because "she's tough- she can handle it." Would I have been taken seriously?

But now I wonder- how much of this did I bring on myself? Was I too tough? Was I unwise to not show my vulnerable side when I was younger? Maybe I hid my hurt too well when I was a kid. Or did I simply follow the examples I saw in others and lash out in anger rather than really feel the hurt?

I don't know.

What I do know is that now, to be vulnerable now scares me. I don't feel safe to show my fear, pain, insecurities, and hurt. I am uncomfortable crying and looking weak in front of others.

There was someone who wanted me to be able to drop that mask. He said he could see the tenderness inside, and he wanted me to be able to share that with the world. And I wanted that!! I wanted to be able to be generous and tender, loving and supportive and nurturing.

Maybe some day it will happen.

Empowerment Post-Assault.

So... Brett Kavanaugh, Christine Blasey-Ford. Yup, I'm gonna talk about that.

As they say, small minds talk about people, average minds talk about things, and great minds talk about ideas.

I'm going to use the people as a jumping-off point to talk about ideas.

So Kavanaugh was nominated for a pretty high, prestigious, and powerful position- Justice on the Supreme Court of this nation. He is to sit in committee with the eight other justices to interpret the laws as they are tested in court cases brought before the Supreme Court.

In other words, the legislative branch makes laws. Someone contests the meaning of the law by bringing it to trial, and the case ends up being appealed to higher and higher courts (one party disagrees with a judge's decision so they ask a higher and higher court to decide). Ultimately, the case/scenario comes to the Supreme Court. The judges/justices of that court hear the case, and jointly, write an opinion on how the law should be interpreted. They clarify how that law is to be applied.

That's some serious power. Granted he has 1/9 of that power, just over 10% of that power, but that's still a lot! And I get why the people of this nation should have a keen interest in the moral constitution of someone with that kind of power.

I'm not excusing high school or college stupidity. But the reality is it happens. People often make bad decisions when they're young:

"Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions."

Here's the reality- From a therapeutic perspective, it is a bad idea to question and poke at a sexual-assault survivor. They have been hurt, damaged, broken, and poking at a wound is not effective for healing.

And anyone who tries to say otherwise is not interested in compassion for the injured.

On the other hand, from a legal perspective, it's a bad idea to not question allegations brought against someone, no matter who is bringing the allegations against whom. Effective law enforcement and effective court procedure DEMANDS a thorough investigation into the validity of claims of misconduct, criminal accusations, and the like.

And anyone who tries to say otherwise is not interested in justice.

So where does that leave us? Justice vs compassion... Gosh, that sounds familiar!! Justice vs mercy... Yes, compassion and mercy are vital to our lives. Those two traits, practices prove we are human. But I don't think the courtroom is a place for compassion. There's a reason the sculpture of Lady Justice is so often displayed in places of law- legislative buildings and courthouses.

Mercy has its place, but not in the courtroom. Justice, investigation, truth must prevail.

I believe that if an accusation is to be brought against someone, while it can be difficult, it must be based in fact. There must be corroborative evidence, something concrete to back the accusation.

But I guess that's the point. Those who have been the victims, survivors of any kind of assault need to document. Keep a journal, write it down, record it somewhere so that if the time comes to bring those actions to light, the facts are straight.

I really think that can be the most empowering thing- to do something about it. Write it down, date the document, take pictures, organize the report. Share your story, help others in similar situations, support them and help them process and move forward.

How to Lose a Woman in 10 Days

This was going to be a very different post. But now...

I'll just leave this here. I think deceit, whether by commission or omission, is the biggest character-flaw deal breaker I can think of.

If you want to stay with me, DO. NOT. Lie to me. Be real about things- your heart, your situation, your life. Be honest.

But if you want me to drop you like a hot potato, lie. Just blow smoke, stretch the truth until it's completely unrecognizable, make promises you have absolutely no intention of keeping. Lie.