Sunday, February 3, 2013

Peace for the Broken Heart

Recently, I've been struggling with feelings of inadequacy. I flip-flop from what I know in my head to the stormy seas in my heart. I struggle being patient with customers at work who are frustrated and afraid. I find myself feeling intolerant of those whose values and choices diverge wildly from my own. I struggle to stay kind with those who insult and offend. I have to tamp down my own impatience so I can be loving to those who need me.

I know in my head that their frustrations, differences in knowledge , views, attitudes, priorities, needs, circumstances, and even personal history all play a part in how they behave. But I still find myself feeling frustrated, getting unreasonably offended or angry at the smallest slights and the mildest of requests, or crying because it hurts so badly.

Why can't I stay kind and patient with those who are afraid or hurting or don't understand? Why am I not enough to inspire those with walls around their hearts to bring their walls down? What do I need to do differently to be the kind of person that everyone thinks I am?

The weight of this was heavy on my heart one night- Why am I so weak? Why am I not enough?

I know there's solace somewhere, but that night it was out of reach. My heart was so broken, I didn't even have the presence of mind to ask for help from Him whose name is seen as synonymous with comforting the broken, healing the sick and wounded, feeding the hungry soul.

A blog I follow is Women in the Scriptures. The author pulls references to a woman or group of women in the scriptures and does an abstract, from Eve to "the concubines of Judges 19." Other times she simply lists her Five things for Friday- things she is grateful for from the previous week. One time, she shared a review of a book, Glimpse of Heaven, an account of one LDS woman's death experience.

The part I found fascinating was that once the Veil of Forgetfulness was lifted from the book author's mind, she saw herself as our Father sees His children:
"Once the blocks were removed from my memory,  I was a completely different person. Gone were my insecurities and doubts. (Gone was my depression). Eternal truth and God's love dominated that realm. As a result, my confidence was supreme. I struggle to find the words that can even being to describe what it felt like to be me in that sphere of existence. My entire being was infused with love and  gratitude and devotion to God... Being allowed to know my strengths and my abilities again was the most wonderful reunion I have ever experienced, and the reunion was with the real me." (pg. 5)

All of our insecurities and doubts and handicaps- whether they're about our looks, abilities, temptations, fears, struggles that stem from health issues (mental or physical)- are foreign to our divine nature. We are His children and His children are awesome!

Now if I can just get this knowledge into my hear.

1 comment:

  1. Now you know my "inside of my head" better than most. The love of self is so elusive.....