Don't Compromise.. Unless it's in my Favor

I've talked a little in the past about the difference between dating as a grown-up and dating as a teen.

One of the many differences I've noticed- The Deal Breaker.

By definition, a deal breaker breaks the deal. True deal breakers aren't just pulled out of the air, or made up to be difficult. They are a product of our preferences, values, and tolerances.

Some women find body hair on a man completely revolting!
Hairy chest = deal breaker

Some men simply can't handle a high-maintenance woman.
Hair extensions, nails more than likely indicate a deal breaker

Some women are natural mothers and desperately want children.
Vasectomy = possible deal breaker

Some guys gotta have a girl as passionate about adventure as he is.
Home-body = deal breaker

The reality is that we all have deal-breakers, for every relationship, not just the romantic ones. We know on a visceral level when we have reached a limit.. and each time we come up against something we just can't cope with- that's where we discover our deal breakers.

The trouble comes when someone else doesn't like your deal breakers. They take offense, or get judgmental, or start calling names. There are broken hearts, frustration, anger, and tears. Sure, they love you and want you to be true to yourself. Some eventually accept where you are coming from, even insist you not compromise. But some insist that compromise is necessary for any kind of relationship, but only in their favor-

You're just as broken as I am...

Well, you're just being discriminatory...

But that's not fair- (insert some excuse for why it's unreasonable to ask that).

Credit

The thing is- trying to change deal breakers is easier than getting a tiger to change his stripes, but not by much. Changing deal breakers requires changing the very nature of the person- their bone-deep values, goals, and dreams.. changing who they are. Yes it can be done, but its not simple, easy, or quickly... and to be honest, its not really fair to ask someone to change like that.

What are your deal-breakers? What responses have you gotten to your own deal-breaker issues?